


connect four

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Canon Universe, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Romance, discussion of eating disorders, past ryoshige, side nakamassu, throwback to 2008 when tego took diet pills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 19:02:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13219188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Koyama confesses. Toallof them.





	connect four

**Author's Note:**

> this started as a small (ha!) 3k overview and then i decided i wanted to flesh it out and really elaborate on the polyamorous elements. happy new(s) year!

Nothing Shige does is consensual right now. He’s hyped up on antihistamines, his eyes dry and his nose stuffed up because _someone_ insisted that he come over to meet their cute kitten.

“Still allergic,” Shige had reminded him, but Koyama’s pout is as effective at thirty-three as it was at seventeen.

“I still think I should have brought Emma,” Tegoshi says as he rolls around on the floor with Milk. They’re both rocking from side to side on their backs, getting belly rubs from Koyama, and Shige’s confident that Milk thinks Tegoshi’s just a really big cat who speaks human. “They could have played together.”

“Milk-chan is too small to play with Emma!” Koyama exclaims, pinching the flesh above Tegoshi’s hip. “Maybe when she’s bigger.”

Massu’s on Milk’s other side, his fingers scratching between the kitten’s ears. Shige can hear her purring from the couch, and it makes him smile—or maybe he’s just doped up from the pills.

“Shige looks stoned,” Tegoshi comments, and he and Koyama exchange a Look. Any other time, Shige would immediately be suspicious, but his head is full of cotton and he can’t actually focus well enough to know if they’re wearing devious expressions or not.

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you guys about,” Koyama says, and Massu tears his eyes away from the purring kitten to give Koyama his undivided attention. “It’s been the four of us for a while, right? We’ve gotten really close in recent years, and I have come to appreciate the connections I’ve made with all three of you.”

“Are you leaving the group?” Massu demands suddenly, and Shige’s heart drops into his stomach.

“No!” Koyama practically yells, scaring both Milk and Tegoshi into a visible jerk, and _now_ Shige can see Koyama’s wide-eyed and panicked face. “Absolutely not. No, no, _no_. That’s not what I’m building up to, and I’m so sorry it sounded that way.”

Massu closes his eyes and breathes deeply. “Good.”

“It’s the exact opposite, actually.” Koyama smiles, which has Shige smiling too. Koyama is infectious like that. “There’s really no other way except to come out and say it: I love you all.”

“I already know you love me,” Tegoshi teases, nudging Koyama’s stilled hand with his elbow—though whether it’s to get on with whatever he’s saying or pet Tegoshi’s belly some more, Shige doesn’t know.

“Yes, but do you know _how_ I mean it?” Koyama pokes him back, and Tegoshi squirms under Koyama’s heated stare. “I love you, all three of you, romantically.”

Shige blinks. “What?”

“I have _tried_ ,” Koyama goes on, shaking his head exasperatedly. “I’ve dated girls. I’ve dated boys. I even dated a couple! Each time I think I can have those kinds of feelings for someone again, I can only think of you. My heart always comes back to _you_.”

Shige feels like Koyama is addressing him directly, but the eldest is splitting his glances between him, Massu, and Tegoshi.

“I know it’s unconventional.” Koyama looks down now, seeming to find strength from the tiny kitten claws that paw at him. “But if any of you are open to the idea, I’d like us to try being more than friends.”

Silence. Shige doesn’t even know what to say. Koyama ignores them, focusing all of his attention on petting Milk (and Tegoshi) to keep from looking at any of them. Tegoshi looks unbothered, but Shige gets the feeling that one already knew this was coming. Massu seems thoughtful, like he’s genuinely thinking about it, and the few nerves that had made it through the mush in Shige’s stuffy head immediately retreat at Massu taking this as seriously as any other confession.

“Ah,” Massu finally says, lighting up like he’s had an epiphany. “We’ve basically already been in a relationship for half of our lives, haven’t we? We know each other more intimately than anyone else ever could.”

“What we sing about,” Tegoshi slowly adds, “I mostly feel with you guys.”

Koyama looks like Christmas had come early and Massu and Tegoshi were both Santa Claus.

“Are you all fucking with me?” Shige blurts out, his brain on a two-second delay behind his mouth. “This is a joke, right? Because I’m drugged up. You’re gonna get me to agree to this and then make fun of me tomorrow.”

“I’d never make fun of you about something as important as this,” Koyama says seriously, and Shige believes it with every fibre of his being. “I’ve loved Shige for so long that I don’t remember what it feels like to _not_ love Shige.”

Shige’s skin heats up at that, and he stares at the floor. “You’ve said that to me many times before, but it’s different now.”

“Is it?” Koyama asks, and Shige has his mouth open to answer (what, he doesn’t know) when Koyama keeps speaking. “Nothing is going to change. The four of us will still exist the same way we have been this entire time. There will just be deeper feelings between us now, I hope.”

“And cuddles,” Tegoshi adds.

“And cuddles,” Koyama agrees. “If they’re wanted.”

Tegoshi rolls right into Koyama’s lap, earning a curious look from Milk. The kitten climbs over Koyama’s knee and butts heads with Tegoshi, who sniffles a bit because he’s allergic too. Not nearly as bad as Shige, but enough to get congested from her fur up his nose.

“How long have you two been sneaking around?” Massu asks, and Shige notices Koyama cringe.

“Not long,” Tegoshi assures them. “Just this summer. It was purely physical…until it wasn’t.”

“Having Tego-chan so close made me want Massu and Shige too,” Koyama says in a small voice. “Not sexually,” he rushes to add. “At least, not primarily.” He exhales harshly through his nose. “I’m not explaining this well.”

“You’re doing fine,” Tegoshi soothes him, and Koyama visibly calms down when Tegoshi laces their fingers together. “Maybe define what it actually is?”

“Polyamory,” Koyama declares, sounding like he’s reciting from a dictionary, or more appropriately a blog post. “Having feelings for more than one person at a time; multiple people in one relationship.”

The only thing that makes sense to Shige right now is that Koyama is polyamorous. Koyama has so much love for everyone he’s ever met that there’s no doubt in Shige’s mind that his heart can hold an infinite number of souls. In a way, Massu’s right—the four of them have already been together for almost fifteen years, Shige and Koyama even longer.

Shige’s no stranger to the concept of polyamory, having come across it a few times in his activist research, but up until right now it wouldn’t have been something he applied to himself. He’s known he was gay his entire life, but he hasn’t had many opportunities to act on it. Joining Johnny’s at such a young age had ruined him for traditional relationships, even innocent high school dating. The few people with whom he’d tried to develop real connections had left him feeling like a failure of a boyfriend for prioritizing work. He’d spent a few years having “meaningful overnight relationships” (copyright Yamashita Tomohisa), but lately he’d rather sit at home by himself than bother with getting to know someone new. If he gets lonely, he calls Koyama. Or Massu, or even Tegoshi.

“I have questions,” he finally says, addressing the three who were patiently waiting for his answer.

Koyama fails at trying not to look too excited. “Fire away.”

“I value my alone time,” Shige begins. “I require my freedom. We already see each other every waking moment at work. Are we going to spend even _more_ time together now?”

“I have that concern too,” Massu jumps in, and Shige feels infinitely better now that he’s not the only one.

“I already know that about both of you.” Koyama grins at them like they’d just agreed to his arrangement rather than scrutinize it. “I can only speak for myself, but I’ll take whatever you give me. Even if it’s only once or twice a month, I’ll be happy just knowing that you feel the same way I do.”

“Will it be the four of us all the time?” Shige asks. “Or do we pair off as our schedules permit?”

Tegoshi is the one to answer this time. “Definitely pair off. I like the idea of dating all of you separately as well as together. You’re all so _different_. It would be too much if we had to be four all the time.”

Koyama nods his agreement. “We all have different connections with each other. We can build upon them individually, then come together as four every now and then.”

“What happens when we fight?” is Shige’s next question. “I fight with Tegoshi all the time. Are Koyama and Massu going to start taking sides?”

“No,” Massu says firmly. “We stay out of conflicts that don’t involve us. Otherwise, we’ll be ganging up on each other and that’s not healthy.”

Koyama looks positively elated that the others are weighing in on this as much as he is. “Let’s not speak for each other too. When I was dating that couple, one of them would always tell me when the _other_ one was upset, and I felt like it gave me no chance to address the situation myself before they’d team up against me.”

“We already do that, kinda,” Shige admits. “Speak for ourselves, I mean.”

“Yeah,” Tegoshi agrees. “We always say when something is bothering us, or go to whoever we’re mad at.”

“Are the four of us exclusive?” Massu asks, and once again Shige’s glad that he’s not the only one with questions. “Because I kind of have something similar with Nakamaru, and I really don’t want to end it.”

“I didn’t know that, about you and Nakamaru!” Koyama squeals, managing to look happy and sad at the same time. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“It wasn’t relevant until right now.” Massu reaches for Koyama’s hand, and Shige watches their fingers lace together. “It’s not serious, but we have agreed that it’s _something_. We’ve both dated other people before, so this won’t be any different. He always thought that something like this was going on in our group anyway, even when we were six.”

Tegoshi laughs out loud. “Coming from someone in KAT-TUN.”

“I don’t want to keep anyone’s heart from going where it pleases,” Koyama tells them. “I’m glad to hear about Massu and Nakamaru, so I think it would be okay if Tego or Shige found someone else to love too.”

Shige snorts at the thought of getting involved with anyone who’s not in this room, and they all know that Tegoshi is way too lazy to go after anyone who actually requires his effort. Shige wonders if Koyama would ever date outside the group. Maybe if the other three got really busy. It unnerves Shige how confident he is of Koyama’s feelings, even if he has been on the receiving end of them for close to two decades.

“Any more questions?” Koyama asks. He’s petting Milk and Tegoshi equally, both of whom are melting under his touch. If Tegoshi could purr, he’d be giving Milk a run for her motor.

“Sex,” Shige blurts out, a mixture of allergy medicine and misplaced jealousy severing his brain-to-mouth filter.

“What about it?” Tegoshi asks casually, like he’d be fine with doing it right here right now on the floor with all four of them.

“Are we all going to... _together_?” Shige manages to get out, the logistics of it giving him a headache.

“I’d like to wait until we become more established in our relationship,” Koyama says, actually looking sheepish at the topic, and Shige stares at the resident pervert of the group prioritizing _anything_ over sex. “At least, as four. When we’re paired off, whatever happens happens.”

Shige turns to Massu, who shrugs indifferently. “It’s whatever.”

If Shige were in his right mind, he’d demand to know why Massu was so calm about this, because he’s the most modest of them all and they’re talking about _having group sex_. As it is, Massu is what keeps Shige grounded through this whole discussion, because while Koyama and Tegoshi’s perceptions are suspect, Massu usually makes good decisions. If Massu is on board with dating all three of them, then so is Shige.

Besides, if he says no, the other three might have a relationship _without_ him, and that would undoubtedly be a million times worse than whatever could happen _with_ him.

“I’m in,” he agrees, and three faces light up. As much as it pains him to go into something so important without all of the details finely tuned, he tells himself that they’ll figure it out along the way. They’ve always been good at communicating anyway.

Someone’s hand grabs his, and Shige relaxes under Massu’s firm grip. Their fingers easily slide between each other, Shige’s thumb naturally rubbing along Massu’s in an automatic gesture. Massu rubs back, and Shige looks up to see Massu smiling at him, the bright expression erasing any doubts that linger.

A glance to the side shows Koyama _beaming_ , like nothing makes him happier than seeing Massu hold hands with both of them, and that may possibly be the truth. Shige wonders if he should reach for Tegoshi too, but that would require getting off the couch and moving closer to the kitten. He meets Tegoshi’s eyes and it’s enough to see them staring back at him, knowing that it _means_ something and they both want to explore exactly what that is.

“ _Shige_ ,” Tegoshi whines, and Shige smiles at the familiarity. “Come down here already.”

“I’m _allergic_ —” he starts, but Tegoshi lunges forward to grab his arm and even Massu lures him closer by their joined hands.

Then Koyama’s in his face, regarding him fondly with those soft eyes that show his heart to the world. “Nothing will change.”

“Okay,” he says, and his next breath is all cat.

“Shige, are you crying?” Tegoshi asks, grinning as he leans up to sling an arm around Shige’s heaving shoulders. “Aw, I love Shige too.”

“I’m not crying, I’m _dying_ ,” Shige chokes out, leaning down to cough into his shirt, and Koyama and Massu bring it in for a group hug.

*

Koyama was mostly right. Nothing really changes. They still go to work and spam the group chat with their personal business and hang out whenever they can. Shige’s hard-pressed to call what they do together actual _dates_ , though he supposes that’s technically what they are now. When Koyama takes him out to eat, when he watches a movie with Tegoshi, and when he goes shopping with Massu, he’s doing those things with his dating partners. Boyfriends? Lovers? Koyama calls them all based on a silly pun with the word _koibito_ —Tegobito, Massubito, and Shigebito. It’s actually adorable.

Shige’s first date after the formation of their Ultimate Member Love (also Koyama’s name) had been decided is with Massu. Shige’s grateful for it, because he’s still wary about how this is all going to work, especially now that his medication has worn off and his allergies subsided. It was sneaky of Koyama to wait until he was mildly incapacitated before throwing all of this onto him, but even he has to agree that he wouldn’t have been nearly as open to the idea if he’d had full control of his skepticism.

Besides, he could have shut it down the next day, or even after thinking on it for an entire week. But he didn’t, because he saw them every day and actually liked how they looked at him, like he was something worth looking at and feeling something toward, and he found himself looking at them that way too. All three of them, Koyama and Massu and Tegoshi, his longtime friends and colleagues and now partners, more than just professionally.

“This feels weird,” Shige says out loud to Massu as they walk through the crowded mall together. Their hands bump on occasion and Shige squashes the urge to grab Massu’s, thread their fingers together, and snap at anyone who points it out because girls hold hands all the time.

“Yeah,” Massu agrees, followed by a chuckle that lowers Shige’s anxiety considerably. “It’s nice though.”

It’s like any other time they went shopping together, Shige patiently waiting for Massu to try on everything in the store and offering his opinion only to leave with nothing. Shige wonders if he should be telling Massu he looks good in everything like a boyfriend would, and Massu laughs in his face when he brings it up over lunch.

“If I wanted flattery, I’d bring Koyama shopping,” Massu tells him. “I like Shige’s honest feedback, even if you’re telling me I have dad ass.”

“Those jeans were definitely not cut for you,” Shige points out, and Massu laughs again. “I just…don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing here. It feels like I’m trying to be someone else on a romantic date and I’m failing spectacularly by just being myself out with you.”

“But yourself is what I like,” Massu says bluntly. “If you were someone else, even someone more romantic, it wouldn’t be Shige.”

Shige thinks about that, and Massu leaves him to his thoughts. Massu’s always been easy to talk to like this, at least for Shige who requires breaks in speaking to mull things over in his head. Koyama will keep talking and Tegoshi gets distracted easily, so Shige saves the serious conversations for Massu who matches well with his thinking style.

“I’m worried that you’re all going to decide that this was a mistake and I’m better as a friend,” he finally says.

“Do you see me as just a friend?” Massu asks.

“No,” Shige answers honestly, and Massu hides a smile behind his food court gyoza. “I really don’t.”

“Then it’s not a mistake. Relationships don’t have to be like they are on TV, or in the songs we sing, or even how we’ve been influenced by our family and friends. They’re whatever we make them to be, and if your version doesn’t include traditional romance, then that’s how our relationship will be. I already know you’re not into that anyway. When Shige says ‘I love you’ it’s different than when Koyama and Tegoshi say it, and I like that. I like the different kinds of feelings I experience with all of you, Nakamaru too.”

Shige feels warm at those words, reiterating that Massu accepts Shige unconditionally even if he’s not affectionate or doting or however he’s been taught that boyfriends are supposed to be to each other. “Thanks.”

“I understand your feelings a bit,” Massu goes on, and Shige watches Massu look uncomfortable for probably the first time in recent memory. “I’m not that into sex, you know? Like, I’ll do it when the mood’s right, but I don’t like when it’s expected of me. To me, there are a million other things more intimate than getting off together. It’s hard to explain, but my heart feels so far away even when our bodies are connected.”

“That makes sense,” Shige says. “I think Koyama and Tegoshi have that market cornered anyway. I can take it or leave it. Sex, that is. It’s nice to do those things with people who feel similarly, but if you’re not into it then I won’t be either.”

Massu smiles and Shige feels just as relieved as Massu looks. “You’re right about Koyama and Tegoshi,” he says, speaking fondly like he’s not referring to their other partners as insatiable horndogs. “I’ve talked about it with both of them already, and they said the same thing you just did. Even as sexual as they are, they wouldn’t enjoy it if I didn’t too.”

“Hopefully they’ll feel the same way about my feelings, or lack thereof,” Shige thinks out loud. “You’re the first one I’ve talked to about it.”

“I think as long as we communicate our thoughts and concerns, it’ll be fine,” Massu says. “It’s easy for things like anxiety and insecurity to take over when you’re trying hard to make a relationship work. Voicing it gives us the chance to shoot down those ideas before they take over your mind.”

“You’re right.” Shige nods to himself as well as Massu. “Thanks, Massu.”

“I’d like it if you called me ‘Taka’,” Massu tells him.

“Thanks, Taka,” Shige tries out, the name feeling foreign on his tongue. It will take some getting used to after years of ‘Massu’ and ‘Masuda-kun’, but the way Massu’s face lights up is encouragement enough.

After a few more hours of talking Massu out of _exceptionally_ questionable clothing choices, Shige pulls up in front of Massu’s building and pushes down his dating programming that tells him to launch into the ‘I had fun today’ social script. With this one, he doesn’t need it.

“Want to come up for a bit?” Massu asks, his face void of any expression aside from his trademark big smile.

Shige wonders if he can put off relaxing at home for another hour. He’s already had a long day. “Just for a bit,” he agrees.

They both climb out of Shige’s car and Shige helps Massu retrieve the few purchases he’d made today from the backseat. He follows Massu to the front door, waits patiently for Massu to turn his key in the lock, and unlaces his boots in the entryway while Massu slips off his sneakers.

Then they stare at each other, Shige’s hands finding his pockets as he feels awkward for the first time all day.

“I want to kiss you,” Massu says, and something twists in Shige’s chest. “If that’s okay.”

“That’s okay,” Shige agrees quickly, and Massu’s hands are cupping his face, pressing their lips together in a way that’s both light and heavy.

He doesn’t know what he expected it would be like to kiss Massu, but it feels kind of like he’s in a high school drama. The something in his chest rises to fill up his entire body and he kisses back, tilting his head to fit more of Massu’s mouth against his. His hands find their way to Massu’s waist to hold himself steady when he starts to lose his balance.

Massu’s grinning before they even part, and Shige thinks he might never erase the feeling of that smile from his lips. “That was nice.”

“Yeah,” Shige agrees. His brain can’t process much more than that, but luckily Massu doesn’t seem to want to talk about it. He doesn’t back away at all, his arms wrapping around Shige’s neck to pull him into a hug, and all at once Shige understands how things like this can be more intimate than sex.

Massu inhales deeply, then slowly exhales, and Shige tightens his hold. His hands slide up Massu’s back and Massu makes a soft noise of contentment, like he could stand here like this all night even though he’s the one maintaining both of their balances right now. Shige vaguely remembers that he’d wanted to get home and rest before a whole day of work tomorrow, using what little brain power he has left to calculate how long he can stay with Massu without giving up too much of his downtime.

“Ah, I’m happy,” Massu says into Shige’s collarbone, giving him one last squeeze before pulling back. Shige’s momentarily lost at the lack of contact, but he quickly recalibrates. “That’s all I wanted. You can leave now if you want.”

Shige blinks at him. “Okay. Thanks.”

“I know you need your Shige time to recharge,” Massu tells him with a grin. “I need my Taka time too. We can cuddle more next time, right?”

“Definitely,” Shige agrees. “See you at work tomorrow.”

He still feels that smile against his lips hours later as he fends off teasing hearts from Koyama and Tegoshi in the group chat.

*

“I’m thinking of getting a California King-sized bed,” Tegoshi says as they settle in to watch a movie, Tegoshi tucked under Shige’s arm. “It’ll be useful for when all four of us are together.”

Shige thinks about sharing a bed with all three of them and wrinkles his nose. “As long as you’re not next to me. You kick in your sleep _and_ steal the covers.”

Tegoshi shrugs. “I’m an active dreamer, just like Emma-chan!”

The puppy perks up at the sound of her name, and Shige finds another warm body jumping up onto the couch with them. He doesn’t mind; it’s cold outside and he’s exhausted from two rehearsals _and_ a performance earlier. Tegoshi’s losing steam too, and Shige’s confident that Tegoshi will be asleep within ten minutes of the movie starting. Shige himself may not last much longer.

“Should we talk about stuff?” Shige asks, forcing out the words because he wants to get this out of the way before they both pass out.

“Do you have something you want to talk about?” Tegoshi asks, leaning up on Shige’s shoulder to stare right at his face.

“Not really,” Shige admits, squirming when a cold nose presses into his cheek. “This is technically our first date, so I thought we might have some things to work out.”

“I’m easy, Shige,” Tegoshi says, lowering his head to nuzzle his face into Shige’s neck. “Just give me attention and I’m happy.”

“I’m not good with…romantic things,” Shige gets out, trying to pull from his conversation with Massu. It sounded much better when Massu said it. “Please don’t be disappointed if I don’t treat you like a boyfriend.”

Tegoshi laughs with his whole body, and Shige would be offended if Tegoshi didn’t fling his arm across Shige’s waist in a lazy hug. “I already know you’re not romantic. If I want that, I can go to Massu or Kei-chan. That’s the beauty of polyamory, right? We all have different dynamics with each other. I love the variety, and I love you as you are.”

Shige’s skin heats up at the affectionate words. “As long as you’re not disappointed.”

“Shige, the only way you will ever disappoint me is if you stop touching me,” Tegoshi says bluntly, and Shige pointedly rubs his hand up and down Tegoshi’s arm in response. “Mm, that feels nice.”

“Is there any point in even putting on a movie if we’re both half asleep?” Shige wonders out loud.

“We can just go lie in my bed if you would rather,” Tegoshi replies, his tone teasing like there’s a chance in hell either one of them will stay awake long enough for something other than sleep to happen. “I didn’t think Shige is the kind of person to go to bed on the first date though.”

“You’re hilarious,” Shige deadpans, and Tegoshi’s next laugh dies halfway through. “I don’t want to move.”

“Start the movie then,” Tegoshi orders, and Shige bites back a quip that it’s Tegoshi’s place even if they have the same entertainment system and Shige knows how to use the remote control.

True to Shige’s predictions, Tegoshi’s breathing softly on his neck by the third scene, and Shige’s not that far off. Cuddling with Tegoshi is incredibly comfortable and luring him under more than if he were by himself. Shige’s hand stills from where he’d continued to drag his fingers up and down Tegoshi’s arms, his head resting against Tegoshi’s as he drifts off. It feels incredibly intimate and Shige’s reminded of his talk with Massu yet again, smiling at his heart reaching out to Massu while cuddling with Tegoshi. He can’t wait to tell Koyama.

The Blu-Ray menu is playing on repeat when Shige wakes up, Tegoshi still passed out and clinging to him like a koala. “Hey, Tego,” Shige says gently, nudging Tegoshi in the side and eliciting the world’s biggest whine from the younger idol. “It’s over.”

Tegoshi keeps whining as he heaves himself up into a proper sitting position and rubs his eyes, blond hair sticking out every which way. Shige watches as he stretches far enough to backbend right there on the couch, his T-shirt riding up to expose a strip of flesh above his waist and the scatter of hair leading down from his navel. Now that Shige’s had a nap, he finds the sight a little stimulating and has a mental debate over whether he really does want to go to bed on the first date or not.

“I like how you’re looking at me,” Tegoshi mumbles, and Shige lifts his eyes to find Tegoshi regarding him fondly, “but I’m not awake enough to act on it.”

Shige smiles, the small amount of tension that had risen inside him now dissipating at Tegoshi’s lack of enthusiasm. “That’s okay. We both had a busy day. I’ll go home now so you can sleep.”

“You don’t have to,” Tegoshi says, laughing at Shige’s wide eyes. “All I’m offering you is sleep, Shige. I’d like to be coherent for our first kiss, at least.”

“Okay,” Shige agrees, because he has the day off tomorrow and he doesn’t want to stop touching Tegoshi, even if it stays G-rated.

Cuddling horizontally is no different than on the couch, though Tegoshi has considerably less clothes on. Shige spends thirty seconds under Tegoshi’s heavy duvet before stripping down to his own underwear, modesty be damned. They’ve both seen everything the other has to offer anyway, and it’s nice to be skin to skin as Shige gives in to the sandman again.

He wakes up freezing his ass off, because Tegoshi really does steal the covers, but an unconscious tug-of-war brings them back to him. It also brings Tegoshi back, small puffs of air tickling Shige’s throat as Tegoshi’s body seeks out the additional warmth. Shige’s wants it too, both of their limbs wrapping around each other as morning breaks and Shige fights his rising urge to wake up and start the day.

Tegoshi’s the one who has to work today, and Shige suffers through four snooze cycles of Ryo screaming at the end of Sukiyanen Osaka before he practically shoves Tegoshi out of bed. Muscle memory of past concert runs has him guiding Tegoshi to do literally everything from getting dressed to eating breakfast, taking Emma outside himself while Tegoshi is in the shower, and he’s not certain that Tegoshi isn’t asleep standing up when they’re both bundled up and ready to leave in their respective vehicles.

Tegoshi slumps against his side, and Shige smiles despite the layers of wool and fabric separating them.

“You have to go now,” he says pointedly, and Tegoshi whines. “How do you manage this every day on your own?”

“I don’t usually have a warm Shige to tempt me into staying home,” Tegoshi answers, and Shige starts to burn up under all his outerwear. “I’m really happy you stayed last night.”

“Me too,” Shige admits. “You’re gonna be late if you don’t leave right now though.”

Tegoshi starts to reach for the door, then spins around and stares right into Shige’s face. Shige thinks that Tegoshi is going to kiss him, braces himself for whatever it’ll feel like to actually kiss Tegoshi, but those lips only graze his nose and Tegoshi’s laughing at the undoubtedly bewildered expression on Shige’s face.

“You’re cute,” is all Tegoshi says, and Shige wrinkles his nose to make the tingles stop. It doesn’t work. “I’ll see you in a couple days.”

Shige calls Koyama on the way home, grinning as Koyama squeals and hangs off his every word. He doesn’t quite understand why Koyama likes hearing about their dates so much, but he’s not going to pass on an opportunity to make Koyama happy. Especially since he hasn’t had a chance to be alone with Koyama since before they’d officially started dating.

He and Koyama are already super close, so Shige’s curious to see how their connection will deepen, if at all.

*

Ten minutes into lunch with Koyama, Shige finds comfort in the familiarity and playful banter they’ve had for years. Koyama catches Shige up on all of his business and his family’s business like it’s any other time they’ve gone a few weeks without seeing each other. Shige coos at recent pictures of Koyama’s niece and nephews, even Milk now that she’s not physically there to make him miserable.

It’s not even the first time Koyama’s slid into the same side of the booth as him. It’s easier to swipe through his phone this way, and Shige doesn’t mind the closeness just like he hasn’t any other time. He’s told Koyama that they can just send pictures to each other over LINE, but Koyama enjoys being the one to go through them and tell the story behind every one.

Hearing Koyama talk now, feeling the excitement and timbres in his voice in person instead of over the phone or on TV, Shige wonders why it took him so long to realize that he returned the feelings Koyama's been unapologetically flinging at him for years now.

“Shige’s not listening to me~” Koyama sing-songs, elbowing Shige pointedly. “Where is your mind right now?”

Shige rests his head on Koyama’s shoulder, not caring that they’re in public—they’ve done this a million times before too. “My heart feels really big,” he says.

He can’t see it, but he knows Koyama’s smiling. “I love you too. I’m glad I can finally say it and Shige understands how I mean it.”

Shige tries not to blush too much. There are some things they wouldn’t be able to write off as best friendship. “I’m surprised how easy this is,” he admits. “I expected there to be some kind of argument by now, or an accusation that I’m not doing enough, but you’re all so great and understanding.”

“Shigebito, I know you better than you know yourself,” Koyama says, lowering his voice so that only Shige can hear. “I know your limits. When you don’t talk to anyone for a few days, I know not to take it personally. I am already fluent in Shige-go from existing beside you for so long. The absolute last thing I am going to do is develop some unreasonable expectation just because we’re dating now.”

“I don’t see any difference,” Shige says. “With you, I mean. With Massu and Tegoshi, there’s definitely been a shift, but you and I are already close. I haven’t kissed you yet, or shared a bed with you since we were kids, but I feel like those things aren’t important when it comes to you and me and what we’ve already built together.”

“And you think you’re not romantic,” Koyama says with a chuckle and a brief sniffle. “Stop saying sweet things or I’ll cry right here and people will think you’re mean to me.”

“Okay, okay.” Shige thinks his grin gives him away more than whatever is on Koyama’s face right now, but he’s not too worried about anyone seeing them. They’re KoyaShige, after all. They’re supposed to be super close and Koyama’s supposed to say gross things to embarrass Shige in public. That’s always been their dynamic, and perhaps that’s why Shige feels like nothing has changed with Koyama. After basically pretending to have a relationship for years, actually having one isn’t any extra effort.

“I want you to know though,” Koyama says a little while later, when they’re done eating and waiting for the bill. “I don’t really need alone time with each of you separately.”

“Okay?” Shige replies, a little lost at the sudden revelation. “Should we not have dates anymore?”

“Of course we should,” Koyama answers. “This isn’t anything different than we’ve done before, only we call them by another name now. What I mean is that I don’t need things like kisses or sleep-cuddling from just you. It’s fine if they happen, but when it comes to what I yearn for, it includes all of you.”

“Oh.” Shige tries to wrap his mind around Koyama’s words and fails. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s my heart,” Koyama explains. “I learned while I was, um, ‘seeing’ Tegoshi.” He looks so sheepish that Shige almost laughs, then decides against it. “Being with him made me yearn for you and Massu too. That kind of affection I want as a group. Does that make sense?”

“I think so,” Shige says. “You don’t want to sleep with Tegoshi or me individually, but the three of us together would be okay?”

“Oh, Shige, I’m not talking about sex.” Koyama’s cheeks are pink, and Shige wonders when this one became such a prude. “I’m talking about affection. Kissing and cuddling and sleeping together in the literal sense. Thoughtful dates and deep conversations. I’m fine with it if it happens, but it will affect me much more if it’s all four of us together.”

Shige nods. “So what you’re saying is that we can still do what we’ve always done together, but the special relationship stuff will include the other two.”

“Yes,” Koyama says. “I love that you and Massu and Tegoshi are exploring your own relationships too, but my heart connects to all three of yours at once. I’ll happily spend more time with any of you, and talk about whatever you want, but in the back of my mind I’ll be wishing the other two were there, filling my heart to the limit.”

“Do you miss them now?” Shige asks, and Koyama nods. “I don’t want you to be sad when we’re together.”

“I’m not sad,” Koyama insists. “I’m happy with you, I promise. I would just be happier if Massu and Tegoshi were sitting across from us. That doesn’t mean this is a waste of time, because I love you and want to spend time with you too. It’s hard to explain if you’re used to thinking in terms of either/or.”

“It’s okay,” Shige assures him. “As long as Koyama wants to be with me, I’ll be here.”

Koyama squeezes his knee inconspicuously under the table. “Thank you, Shige.”

That night, Shige calls Massu to get further clarification. “Is it like that for you too?”

“Sort of,” Massu answers. “There’s an air of completion when the four of us are together, isn’t there? Even at work, it’s like the four corners of a square are all locked and everything feels so much _more_. More powerful, more intimate, more intense. I can see why Koyama feels so strongly about having all of us together, but I also understand your concern that you’re not enough for him on your own.”

“Yeah,” Shige draws out, admitting it once Massu says the words. “I feel like there’s no point in even escalating our friendship if it’s only gonna matter if you and Tegoshi are there.”

“Think of it this way,” Massu says gently. “Your friendship has already escalated so much that there’s not much left that you haven’t already done with him. Things like kissing and sex aren’t important when you already have such a deep bond, right? It feels normal to you, but even Nakamaru and I aren’t as close as you and Koyama are and we’d probably be married by now if it was legal.”

Shige curls up in his bed as he takes in the words spoken to him through his phone. “I know you’re right, but it’s hard to process. It’s not about kissing or sex at all. It’s about sharing his heart, the either/or thinking that has me believing that he doesn’t love me if you and Tegoshi aren’t around too.”

“As long as you know it’s a fallacy,” Massu says, followed by a chuckle. “Tegoshi and I tried to have sex the other day and it was a disaster.”

“Oh?” Shige asks, happy for the distraction. “Were you not into it?”

“Oh, I was,” Massu answers. “You don’t think he would force me, do you?”

“Of course not,” Shige rushes to say. “I thought you may have just given into his charms.”

“We both know that Tegoshi has _zero_ charm when it comes to sexual things,” Massu says firmly, and Shige laughs. “Basically, we talked about it and decided to try it out, but we’re not compatible that way at all. He’s used to being spoiled and I’m not a mind reader. We ended up giving up and just getting each other off. Do you want to hear the details?”

“I’m good,” Shige replies. “Weren’t you grossed out by the mess?”

“Ah, yes,” Massu says. “All of his mess was on him though, and he used his mouth on me. Oops, I ended up giving you details anyway.”

“It’s okay.” Shige feels strangely happy that Massu is sharing this with him. “I’m kind of relieved that everything isn’t perfect between all of us.”

“It’d be boring if it was.” Massu yawns. “Should we set up a time for all four of us to get together? We’ve all paired off as much as we can, I think. Koyama and I aren’t as close as the rest of us are with each other, but we’re both okay with letting things between us build more slowly.”

“What happens when we all get together?” Shige asks, his voice coming out smaller than he intended.

“Nothing we don’t all want,” Massu answers cryptically. “Don’t worry so much, Shige. Live in the moment and take life as it comes. You’re gonna stress me out if you keep questioning everything.”

“Okay,” Shige agrees. He doesn’t think it’s possible for Massu to be stressed out about anything, but he figures the other man is only trying to motivate him to chill out. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Definitely,” Massu says, and Shige feels warm like the confirmation had taken a corporeal form and enveloped him in a tight hug.

*

Shige’s first kiss with Tegoshi is fifteen seconds after his first kiss with Koyama. Massu is also there, but he’s more interested in laughing at Shige’s bewildered face after Shige learns firsthand how passionate Koyama is in this way. Predictably, Tegoshi whines that he wants a kiss from Shige too, and he’s already in Shige’s mouth before Shige has recovered from Koyama.

What isn’t predictable is how _slow_ Tegoshi kisses, like he has all the time in the world to explore every centimeter of Shige’s lips and mouth. It’s intoxicating and he barely registers Koyama’s squealing in the background because physically seeing his partners together is infinitely better than hearing about it third party.

When he had thought about this before, Shige had figured it would be a prelude to the inevitable group sex that has been looming in the back of his mind this entire time, but Koyama and Tegoshi seem content with just kissing him for the time being. They’re at Massu’s place, piled up on his sectional while EDM plays in the background, allegedly a good accompaniment for whatever they’re sharing here tonight.

Massu’s stretched out on one of the recliners, where Shige had been lounging too until Koyama flopped down next to him with Tegoshi in his lap. Koyama had asked Shige for a kiss and Shige had given his permission, and the rest is history. Shige feels Massu’s fingers threading through his as Tegoshi takes his breath away, and he only gets a minute of reprieve before Koyama’s back in his mouth, kissing away the last of his coherence.

It takes him a long time to come back down, even after Koyama pulls away and manages to snuggle with all three of them at once. This kind of thoughtless existence is nice, Shige thinks as he maneuvers his person so that he can make contact with everybody. Right now, he kind of understands what Koyama means when he says his love is stronger with all four of them. Right now, Shige feels invincible.

“Are we just going to lie here?” Massu asks, his voice vibrating Shige’s brain.

“I’m fine with that,” Koyama says, and Tegoshi nods against Shige’s belly. “Is something on your mind?”

“Actually, we’ll be having concerts soon,” Massu says, and Shige frowns at the topic of work. “There will be cameras following us everywhere. I’m concerned that we might do something to expose our relationship.”

“Staff are easy to bribe,” Tegoshi offers. Shige doesn’t want to know how he knows that.

Koyama stretches across Shige to lay his head on Massu’s shoulder. “I think it feels challenging now because this is still so new to us. By the time our concerts come around, we should be more comfortable with each other like this and our public appearances won’t be any different than before.”

Massu grunts. "I think Tegoshi won’t pull away when I try to kiss him on stage.”

Shige’s body shakes with the force of Tegoshi’s laughter. “And what if I don’t? That’s hardly announcing to the entire world that all four of us _regularly_ kiss each other.”

“It’ll be fine, Taka,” Shige says gently, pleased at being the one to assure Massu for once. “We’re all adults and most of us are professionals.” Tegoshi snorts. “I think Koyama is right, and we’ll automatically know what’s acceptable and what’s not when the cameras are on.”

Koyama squeezes him, and he thinks it’s just because he’d backed him up until he speaks. “It’s cute that you call him Taka.”

“Don’t you?” Shige asks, his nerves racing at being called out for something.

“I don’t,” Koyama answers. “I don’t think Tegoshi does, either.”

“I was the first to call him Massu,” Tegoshi says possessively, crawling up Shige’s body to plant himself firmly in Massu’s lap. “You all copied me.”

“We all call Tegoshi by his family name too,” Massu points out. “And Shige and I call Koyama similarly.”

“I’d like it if you called me Kei or Kei-chan,” Koyama says. “If that’s okay with you both.”

“Kei,” Shige tries out, and Koyama squeezes him more tightly. “It feels weird to use Tegoshi’s first name though.”

“I don’t care what you call me as long as you call me,” Tegoshi tells them, then grins. “Kei-chan even uses my family name during _sex_.”

Koyama gasps and Massu laughs out loud. “Like, ‘Oh, Tegoshi’?”

“No!” Koyama exclaims, his indignation making Shige laugh too. “It was more like Tego or Tego-chan!”

Tegoshi joins in on the laugher, then leans over Shige to press a kiss to Koyama’s face. “I’m sorry, but it’s cute.”

“You’re not cute,” Koyama mutters, but there’s no malice in his voice. “I’m not saying _anything_ the next time we do that.”

Tegoshi scoots over to lie on both Massu and Shige. “At least there’s a next time.”

“Should we talk about that?” Shige speaks up suddenly, his thoughts pushing their way out of his mind now that they’re on the topic. “Sex, I mean.”

“We can,” Koyama says. “I still think we have awhile to go before the four of us do that together, if at all.”

“That’s just it,” Shige says. “Just knowing it’s in the future is stressing me out a little. I don’t know how to feel about it, if I even want it or not.”

Three hands reach to pat him comfortingly, and he calms down. “You don’t have to decide anything right now, Shigebito,” Koyama says gently. “We’re taking this time to deepen our connections and explore how this works with the four of us, right? Don’t even think about sex, unless that’s something you want from one of us in the meantime.”

“I’m game,” Tegoshi offers, and Shige rolls his eyes. “Just putting it out there.”

“I’m not used to having relationships without sex,” Shige admits, playing with his fingers until Massu steals one hand for his own. “It’s nice to be like this with all of you without that pressure, but part of me still thinks that’s something that should be happening. Especially since it’s still happening between Koyama and Tegoshi.”

“You can join us _anytime_ ,” Koyama says vehemently, speaking into Shige’s hair. “I don’t think Massu will mind being left out one bit.”

“Prefer it, actually,” Massu agrees with a chuckle. “I know I’ve told you all this individually, but I probably won’t be involved a lot once we get to that point.”

“And that’s okay,” Koyama tells him. “It’s not like we’re going to be doing it all the time once we start. It’s just something that can distort feelings and ruin weak relationships, so I want us to be solid as a group before that happens. That’s all.”

“Would it make you feel better if we talk more in-depth about it?” Tegoshi asks Shige. “Maybe it’ll help if you have more information about us specifically and how we feel about it.”

“Tegoshi is the laziest lay in the world,” Massu volunteers. “He just lies there and waits for you to do things to him.”

“That is only partially true,” Tegoshi counters. “Massu’s so particular about everything that it’s easier to just let him lead in case I end up doing something he doesn’t like.”

“Tegobito has a lot of boundaries,” Koyama adds, and Tegoshi nods. “We communicate a lot so that I don’t cross any of them.”

“Sometimes I don’t like to be touched in certain places,” Tegoshi explains. “I don’t know until it happens, so it can be a mood killer if I don’t speak up.”

“Did I cross a boundary?” Massu asks, and Tegoshi gives him a sheepish look. “I’m sorry. You should have said something.”

“I should have, but I felt like if I stopped you at all, it would be over and you’d leave.”

Shige stares at how uncharacteristically sad Tegoshi looks, his smile returning when Massu’s hand cups his face. “If it happens again, I’ll communicate better,” Massu says. “Even with you, I should be considerate.”

“What do you mean, _even_ with me?!” Tegoshi squawks, and Koyama and Shige both laugh.

“What about Kei?” Shige asks, lifting his head to butt Koyama’s. Maybe he’s a cat too. “What are Kei’s strange sex quirks?”

“So clingy,” Tegoshi answers, and Koyama pokes him in the head. “Seriously, though. It’ll be nice to have someone else for him to grab onto, whenever we all get around to doing it.”

“It’s just during sex,” Koyama explains. “I can control myself any other time, but when my mind is gone like that I just want to be as close as possible.”

“ _Suffocating_ ,” Tegoshi whispers dramatically, and Shige laughs again.

“It can’t be that annoying if you keep going back for more,” Massu points out, and Tegoshi just shrugs. “I’ll never understand you.”

“Probably not,” Tegoshi agrees.

“I wonder what Shige’s like,” Koyama says, and Shige feels them all look at him. “None of us have had you yet. Give us a hint of what we’re in for.”

“I don’t know,” Shige replies, trying to cover his face with the hand that’s not occupied by Massu. “I’m boring. I just do it.”

“Do you like being in charge?” Tegoshi asks. “Submissively taking orders?”

“Neither,” Shige answers. “It’s hard to think about that right now. It’s been a long time.”

“I’ll find out and report back,” Tegoshi says, and Shige tries to shove him off the couch. He doesn’t budge, his muscles as good as deadweight, and Shige gives up when Tegoshi moves _closer_ with each attempt.

“You were right,” Shige says, leaning back into Koyama’s embrace. “Talking about it does make me feel better.”

“Good.” Koyama kisses his forehead, then his cheeks, then the back of his jaw—

“Kei-chan, you’re making him hard,” Tegoshi announces, and Shige tries to hide his face in Massu’s chest. “Don’t start something you won’t finish.”

“I found a good spot,” Koyama says happily, pressing his lips just below Shige’s ear once more before letting him be. “I didn’t mean to start anything, but now I know how to do it.”

“You can go into my room if you want,” Massu offers, and Shige’s eyes widen at the implication. “I need to change my sheets anyway.”

“Maybe not?” Tegoshi inquires, peering down at Shige’s face. “You don’t look too happy right now.”

“I’m fine,” Shige hisses through his teeth. “Just…don’t touch me for a few minutes.”

Koyama and Tegoshi actually listen, focusing on snuggling with Shige instead of teasing him. Massu and Koyama get into a conversation about something trivial—Koyama could always talk to anyone about anything in any situation—and Tegoshi closes his eyes like he plans on taking a nap right there sprawled out across them. Shige focuses on breathing and willing his body to calm down, not because he doesn’t want to take Massu up on his offer, but because he _does_ , and Koyama had already said he didn’t think they were ready to do that together yet.

“Tego,” he says quietly, and Tegoshi peeks open one eye. “Kiss me.”

Tegoshi plants one hand on Shige’s shoulder to pull himself up and press their mouths together, sufficiently distracting Shige from his thoughts with those slow, tantalizing kisses. It’s actually relaxing, the pair of them pressing their lips together over and over again, and it feels like _forever_ before Tegoshi licks along the seam.

Shige indulges him for a bit, wrapping his arm around Tegoshi to pull him close while he chases Tegoshi’s tongue between their mouths, and Shige’s tension gradually disappears. He feels Koyama’s arm alongside his and harshly breaks their kiss, catching his breath while Tegoshi rests his head on Shige’s collarbone, rising and falling with the force of Shige’s breaths.

“I’m okay now,” Shige tells them all, and Koyama slides down to squish Shige’s arm to his body and kiss him too. It’s a gentle kiss, not nearly as powerful as earlier, and it only lasts a minute before Koyama pulls back and grins at him

“I can’t reach you,” Massu says, sounding sad about it, and Shige considers making the effort to move. Instead, Koyama does it for him, relocating Tegoshi back onto his lap while Shige’s nudged across Massu’s.

“Hi,” Shige says, his brain feeling like mush with all of the kisses and feelings swirling throughout him.

Massu adds his kiss to the others. It’s different and Shige melts into it, leaning up to take more control than he had with the other two. Massu makes a faint noise in the back of his throat and Shige feels proud that he can pull this kind of reaction from such a stoic person, kissing Massu a few more times before pulling back to take in Massu’s hooded eyes and plump lips.

“You two look beautiful together,” Koyama tells them, and Shige smiles, his eyes dropping to where Tegoshi’s watching them intently.

“I told my mom about us,” Tegoshi says, and Shige’s demeanor shifts completely. “She doesn’t understand it, but she’s happy for us. She wants to have us over for dinner.”

“That sounds like the most awkward meal ever,” Massu says, and Shige nods his agreement. “I haven’t said anything to my family. Should I?”

“Not if you don’t want to,” Koyama says quickly. “I told my mom, but she already knew how I felt. My sister was surprised to hear I haven’t actually been dating Shige for years.”

“I don’t think I’ll be telling anyone,” Shige thinks out loud. “My parents are old-fashioned. They’re barely okay with me being gay.”

“My family doesn’t even know about Nakamaru,” Massu goes on. “They gave up a long time ago on me having a traditional relationship with anyone. According to my sister, I’m married to the fans.”

“It’s still early in our relationship,” Koyama assures them. “I’m glad that Tegoshi felt comfortable enough to tell his mother, but that doesn’t mean anyone else has to. Polyamory isn’t something so easily accepted. Please don’t feel obligated to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I don’t care if your families only see me as your friend as long as _you_ don’t.”

Massu and Shige nod, and Tegoshi wraps his arms around Koyama. Shige feels jealous for the first time with any of them and reaches out, a silent plea to be included, and Tegoshi and Koyama welcome him into their embrace. Some shifting around behind him and Massu’s pressed against his back, gathering all three of them in his strong arms, and Shige breathes in the aroma of their combined scents, letting it fog his mind as he melts in the embrace of his partners.

“I love you,” Koyama says, and Tegoshi echoes it. Shige and Massu just squeeze them more tightly, showing their affection without words.

*

Shige leans back on the dock, his legs swaying over the edge as the sea air stings his face. “It’s _so_ fucking cold.”

“That’s when the fish are most hungry,” Ryo tells him. “Smoke?”

“I quit awhile ago,” Shige replies, though that doesn’t stop him from breathing in the secondhand like it’s a freshly baked pie. “Has it been that long since we hung out?”

“Apparently.” Ryo sucks on his cigarette and exhales toward the sky, a mild act of consideration. “Two, three years? I know we’re all busy, but damn.”

“I’m sorry,” Shige says. “I don’t have an excuse.”

“I’m not really that upset.” Ryo reels back his lure to toss it out again. “You look good. Healthy.”

“Thanks,” Shige replies. “You look ragged.”

Ryo tosses his head back to laugh, then reaches up to stroke his goatee. “I’ll take that as a compliment. How are the members?”

“Good,” Shige answers. “The four of us started a romantic relationship a couple months ago. It’s going well.”

If that news shocks Ryo at all, he doesn’t let on. He simply nods like Shige had given him some generic response, then grins in the way that reaches his ears. “How’s the sex?”

“Not yet,” Shige tells him. “We’re waiting.”

“For the apocalypse?” Ryo asks sarcastically. “North Korea could blow us up _any day_ and you’re _waiting_ to make love with your hot boyfriends! I thought you were the smart one.”

Shige elbows him. “We make plenty of love without fucking.”

“That is simultaneously the grossest and most adorable thing I’ve ever heard. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

Ryo asks him more questions, non-invasive ones like whose idea it was and how they got him to agree to it, and he laughs so hard that he upsets the water when Shige tells him he was medicated for the confession.

“I should have tried that,” Ryo jokes. “Maybe we wouldn’t have fought so much.”

“We’re not _us_ if we’re not fighting,” Shige points out, and Ryo doesn’t argue. “It wasn’t that fun when we were dating though.”

“Definitely not.”

Ryo has a faraway look in his eye, like he’s suddenly been transported back in time five years to when he and Shige attempted to have a relationship once they weren’t in the same group anymore. Aside from the sex, which was phenomenal if Shige’s memory serves him right, Ryo played a large part in Shige’s complex about being unromantic. If he wanted friends to fuck, Ryo had said, he’d go to anyone in Eito.

“I’m glad you’re happy with them,” Ryo says now, and he sounds like he means it. “I think it’s better for you to be with someone you already see a lot.”

“I think you’re right.” Shige’s burning cheeks seem to thaw his face, if nothing else. “They also have each other to get attention from when I’m not around.”

“Polyamory is a great work-around for people who aren’t good with conventional relationships,” Ryo says. “Just be careful you don’t take advantage of them. I’d hate to see NEWS lose even more members.”

“You don’t get to say things like that,” Shige mutters, and Ryo frowns. “Even if this doesn’t work out, we’ll still be together as NEWS.”

Ryo stares out into the foggy sea. “I hope you’re right.”

Shige changes the topic, because he’s seriously going to get angry if he has to listen to Ryo talk about his partners like he still has a right to. Ryo leaving the group is water under the bridge for all involved, but that doesn’t mean Shige has to sit here and listen to Ryo’s commentary on his relationship. They talk about Eito and food and being in their thirties until the sun’s all the way up and Shige’s confident that he has frostbite on his nose.

“I really wish you all the happiness in the world,” Ryo tells him as they pack up to leave. “I would say don’t be such a stranger, but I imagine having three boyfriends doesn’t leave you much time for anyone else.”

“I still make time for my friends,” Shige says defensively. “I can make time for you too.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Ryo flashes him an idol smile. “Take care, Shige.”

“See you.”

Shige walks back to his car and loads the gear in the backseat. He hadn’t caught anything. Ryo had, and any other time Ryo would have gifted it to Shige because he doesn’t even like fish (he claims the act of fishing is relaxing and good for socializing without the pressure of talking a lot), but this time Ryo had taken the cooler with him. Shige doesn’t think that’s a slight to their friendship, what’s left of it anyway, but he’s still in a solemn mood as he starts the engine and turns the heat on full blast.

When he can feel his fingers again, he pulls out his phone and looks at the group chat window. Massu’s visiting his family today, Koyama’s working, and it’s way too early for Tegoshi. Too bad, Shige thinks as he drives the distance to Tegoshi’s building. Someone’s getting a wakeup call.

He’s had a key to Tegoshi’s place since Tegoshi first moved in, but he hasn’t had to use it before. He makes it halfway through the door before Emma’s barking at him, pouncing around his feet and trying to dart outside, and Shige figures Tegoshi hasn’t been up yet to take her out. After leaving a note in case Tegoshi woke up and wondered where she was, Shige clips on her leash and willingly goes back outside so that Emma can relieve herself.

Luckily, Emma isn’t that keen on staying out in the cold either, and they’re back inside within a few minutes. Shige shrugs out of his coat and extra sweaters and walks right into Tegoshi’s bedroom, where Tegoshi’s sprawled out on the bed completely naked and twisted up in his covers.

Shige considers his options for ten seconds, then pounces and presses his very cold hands to Tegoshi’s side. Tegoshi groans and flings his arms around, smacking Shige in the leg and rolling over to face his assailant. “ _Why_ ,” he whines.

“Because I’m sad,” Shige tells him, and Tegoshi pries open his eyes with what looks like all of his energy.

“Can you be sad _later_?” he asks, his voice low and flat, and Shige goes for his neck next. “Okay, okay! I’m up!”

Shige stretches out next to him, pushing his hair out of his eyes as he gathers his words. “I just went fishing with Ryo.”

“He always makes you sad,” Tegoshi mumbles. “Why do you keep seeing him?”

“Dunno.” Shige’s knuckles drift down to Tegoshi’s cheeks, and they must not be that cold anymore because Tegoshi nuzzles against the touch. “I guess I want to prove to myself that I can be friends with my exes.”

Tegoshi snorts unattractively. “In that case, he’s an ex to all of us. You dating him for six weeks hardly makes a dent in comparison to _eight years_ of working together.”

“I know.” Shige sighs. “Usually it’s fine. Today it wasn’t.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Tegoshi asks, sounding like he’d rather talk about literally anything else other than Nishikido Ryo in his bed at eight-thirty in the morning.

“No,” Shige answers honestly, and Tegoshi looks relieved. “I want to forget about it.”

That gets Tegoshi’s attention, both eyes open and sharp as they regard Shige skeptically. “What are you asking me for, Shige?”

“Sex,” Shige answers bluntly. “I need to relieve some tension, and you’re the natural choice.”

Tegoshi stares at him, then unravels himself from all of his covers and rolls right out of bed. “Give me five minutes.”

Shige watches him walk away, disappearing into the bathroom, and starts taking off his clothes. Tegoshi probably won’t want to bother with undressing him. He’s still cold, chilled to the bone from spending three straight hours outside, and he burrows under Tegoshi’s covers, more than ready to be touched and loved.

Tegoshi returns just as naked as he’d left, laughing when he sees Shige rolled up like a burrito. “I can’t fuck you in there,” he says pointedly, and now Shige’s the one laughing.

“Who says you’ll be the one fucking me?”

“You can’t fuck me in there either,” Tegoshi amends. He opens his nightstand, pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom, and starts to navigate his way under the covers. “Do you have a preference?”

“Not really,” Shige answers. “I’m good either way.”

“Same,” Tegoshi says, making a surprised noise as he makes contact with Shige’s skin instead of fabric. “I want to touch you _everywhere_.”

“I’m okay with that,” Shige tells him, and Tegoshi leans in for a kiss. It’s slow and heated and Tegoshi easily rolls on top of him, settling between his legs and rocking gently. Shige’s not hard yet, but neither is Tegoshi who seems content on making good on his promise and running his hands all over Shige’s body. It feels _amazing_ and Shige reaches for Tegoshi’s arms, wanting some contact of his own while he’s being touched so delicately.

“Not there,” Tegoshi hisses, and Shige moves up to his shoulders instead. “Thanks. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Shige assures him, and Tegoshi grins into their next kiss. He squirms when Tegoshi reaches his belly, light fingers drifting across the sensitive flesh, and his mouth is abandoned in favor of wet kisses down his chest. Tegoshi stops just below Shige’s belly button, nibbling in the same place he’d been touching, and Shige arches and gasps.

 _Now_ he’s hard, and Tegoshi knows it too. Shige whines as Tegoshi purposely avoids his cock and slides palms up his thighs instead. Then there’s teeth on his inner thigh and Shige thrashes on his back, fisting the sheets on either side of him as his legs spread embarrassingly wide.

“Are you this much of a fucking tease with Koyama?” he demands.

“Yup,” Tegoshi answers, pressing the words into Shige’s skin. “He loves it.”

“I don’t,” Shige grumbles, and unsurprisingly Tegoshi keeps kissing his thigh, blowing air right between them when he moves over to the other one. “ _Tego_.”

“If you want something, you should ask for it,” Tegoshi says nonchalantly. “Nicely.”

Shige wonders if waiting for Koyama to finish filming wouldn’t have been better after all. “Tegoshi, will you please touch me?”

“I am touching you,” Tegoshi replies, and Shige resists the urge to smack him with the pillow.

“ _Put your mouth on my cock_ ,” Shige hisses, and Tegoshi complies so fast that Shige doesn’t have time to be embarrassed. “Oh. Oh, that’s good.”

Tegoshi slowly sucks him in and out, and Shige supposes he should be grateful that he didn’t have to tell him to do that too. He’s not much for dirty talk, which Tegoshi wouldn’t know unless Shige tells him, and Shige feels mildly guilty for assuming that Tegoshi would simply adapt to him after so long with chatty, foul-mouthed Koyama.

“I don’t really like talking like that,” he says gently, sifting his fingers through Tegoshi’s wild hair. “Please don’t make me say those things. Okay?”

Tegoshi makes an affirmative noise, which has Shige arching from the stimulation. Then Tegoshi speeds up and Shige moans out loud, his hips snapping up into Tegoshi’s mouth until Tegoshi firmly holds him down. None of that either. Shige is starting to understand what Koyama had meant when he said Tegoshi had a lot of sex boundaries.

“Come up here,” Shige says, and Tegoshi lets Shige’s cock fall from his mouth with an audible _pop_. “You’re really good at that.”

“Thanks,” Tegoshi replies, grinning as he settles back on top of Shige. He’s hard now, and he bites his lip as he grinds down against him. “How do you want me?”

“You seem keen on doing all the work,” Shige replies, leaning up for a kiss. “And spreading my legs.”

“They spread on their own,” Tegoshi points out, and he’s not wrong. “You want me, then?”

“Yes,” Shige answers, and Tegoshi leans over to the nightstand. “Just…it’s been a while, okay?”

“I have excellent restraint,” Tegoshi tells him, pressing their mouths together as he slips a hand between them. “Relax, Shige.”

Shige tries his best, but his body is too tense for Tegoshi to put anything anywhere. He starts to feel bad, but Tegoshi’s kissing all over his face and along his jawline, seemingly unbothered by the resistance. Then Tegoshi’s in his mouth again, a whirlwind of lips and tongues and he’s got one finger in, touching Shige deeper than he’s been touched in a long time.

“I’m going to suck you off again, see if that helps,” Tegoshi whispers into his neck, and all Shige can do is nod. His body tingles everywhere Tegoshi’s mouth makes contact on his way back down, and it takes all of Shige’s willpower not to thrust up into the wet heat the instant it returns.

Shige moans as a second finger makes its way in, slowly stretching like there’s no rush. Shige’s body seems to have gotten the memo that it’s going to get fucked and reacts in kind, rocking back against Tegoshi’s touch that grows more pointed as Shige welcomes it more.

“Damn,” Tegoshi hisses, abandoning Shige’s cock once again to crawl back up his chest. “You feel so good, Shige. I can’t wait to be inside you. I’m so glad you woke me up.”

“I’ll remember you said that when you’re whining about it later,” Shige teases, and Tegoshi sticks out his tongue before it’s back in Shige’s mouth. This kiss is rushed, messy, an afterthought to Tegoshi’s fingers prodding Shige deep inside, now accepting a third.

Shige thinks about reaching down to touch Tegoshi, but he doesn’t want to cross another boundary when they’re so close to uniting. The other option is to ask, and that means Shige has to say the words.

“Can I touch you?” he compromises, getting the words out between kisses, and Tegoshi breathes out a soft ‘yeah’. Shige darts a hand between them, finding Tegoshi’s cock rutting against the back of his thigh, his knees having made their way up to his chest, and Tegoshi groans into his mouth.

“We should leave Kei-chan a voicemail,” Tegoshi says alongside a harsh exhale, and Shige’s agreeing before he fully processes the words. “Let him hear me enter you for the first time.”

“He’s working,” Shige gets out. “What if he answers?”

“Then he’ll get to listen in real time,” Tegoshi replies, grabbing his phone from the nightstand as well as the condom. “It’s okay. I call him all the time while I jerk off. He knows not to answer unless he’s alone.”

That shouldn’t sound as hot as it does, his body betraying him by tightening around Tegoshi’s fingers. Tegoshi doesn’t say anything, only pushes a button on his phone and puts it on speaker, then tosses it down onto his bed as he tears open the condom packet with his teeth and rolls it on with one hand.

“Tego!” Koyama answers, and Shige chokes on his breath. “I’m getting in the car. What’s up?”

“Stay there,” Tegoshi tells him, making no effort to cover the lust in his voice. “Keep the Bluetooth on.”

A loud slam sounds as Koyama presumably follows orders, followed by the ignition turning over. “You’re worked up so early! I almost didn’t answer the phone.”

“I’m not alone,” Tegoshi says, pulling his fingers from Shige’s body as though to make him whine on cue. “Shige’s here.”

“Shige?!” Koyama exclaims, and Shige grunts. “Is it my birthday?!”

Tegoshi laughs and Shige manages a smile. “No. Shige came over for sex, and I’m about to give it to him. Thought you’d might want to listen.”

“ _Absolutely_ ,” Koyama replies. “Did you prepare him enough? He hasn’t done it in a while, you know.”

“Kei, shut up,” Shige snaps, his attention turning to Tegoshi when the latter bursts out laughing. “Fuck me already.”

Koyama makes a pleased noise at that, and Tegoshi’s still grinning when he guides himself between Shige’s legs. “Ah,” he lets out as he starts to push in. “Shige’s so tight.”

A low moan tears from Shige’s lungs as Tegoshi slowly fills him, his hands under his own knees to hold himself open. “Feels good,” he says.

“Yeah,” Tegoshi agrees, hissing as he bottoms out. “Let me know when it’s okay to move.”

“It’s okay,” Shige replies, moaning again when Tegoshi thrusts sharply. “Oh, like that.”

Tegoshi doesn’t waste time, fucking him so hard and fast that Shige can barely keep up. It’s just what he wanted, Koyama’s soft praises and encouragement taking him higher as Tegoshi pounds into him and his thoughts leave his head. He’s left with nothing but raw sex and pure love and he gives into all of it, rocking his hips to meet Tegoshi’s and taking pride in every noise that leaves Tegoshi’s mouth.

“Touch me,” Shige gets out, grabbing Tegoshi’s wrist when the other man doesn’t seem to hear him. “ _Touch me_.”

“Tegobito, don’t be selfish,” Koyama chimes in, and Shige notices that his voice is a bit strained.

“I’m not that coordinated,” Tegoshi says, actually sounding apologetic as he wraps Shige’s fingers around the neglected flesh instead. “Pretend it’s Kei-chan.”

“Yeah, it’s me,” Koyama agrees. “Do it fast, Shige. I wanna make you come.”

“Fuck,” Shige hisses. It’s too easy to imagine Koyama with them, kneeling beside them and maybe rubbing Tegoshi’s back with one hand while stroking Shige with the other. Tegoshi’s moans get louder as Shige pumps himself faster, his own noises joining Tegoshi’s in an X-rated duet they’ll never record.

Shige’s orgasm crashes over him, and Tegoshi’s right behind if his shrill exclamation of Shige’s name is any indication. On the phone, Koyama’s heavy breathing leads up to a low groan, and Shige comes harder knowing that Koyama had gotten off to them.

“Aren’t you filming today?” Shige asks, feeling a little guilty that they might have made him late.

“Just finished with Every,” Koyama says breathlessly. “On my way to a meeting. Pulled over to finish.”

“You _drove_ the entire time?” Shige gasps.

“I only need one hand to drive,” Koyama tells them. “I’m almost at the next place. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of this. I’ll make it up to you. I love you both~ bye!”

Tegoshi’s phone flashes and Shige hisses as Tegoshi pulls out. He stretches out his legs while Tegoshi disposes of the condom and stumbles to the bathroom. He returns with a warm washcloth, wiping the lube from Shige with such delicacy that Shige smiles up at him.

“Don’t look so surprised. I know how to take care of my lovers.”

“Thanks,” Shige says, leaning up on his elbows to steal a kiss. “For everything.”

“Stop letting that guy make you sad,” Tegoshi huffs. “You don’t deserve that.”

“Okay.”

Shige cuddles with Tegoshi for a little bit before heading home. He has his own meetings later this afternoon and could do with a shower before presenting himself as a marketable idol. As he cleans up, he can’t help but think of the one person who was left out of this morning’s activities. Massu may not have wanted to be part of the sex, but Shige could have cuddled with him after, maybe held his hand throughout if he was okay with being there.

 _I get it now_ , he texts Massu before he leaves. _I had sex with Tegoshi while Koyama was on the phone and I wished you were there to hold me later_.

He’s in the car when he gets a response, laughing when he reads it: _Hope it was better for you than it was for me. I’ll be back tonight. Shall I stop by?_

Shige has an early day tomorrow, but so does Massu and Massu’s infinitely more responsible than he is. _Definitely_.

*

It was only a matter of time before they had an unresolved conflict, especially when they got busy with album promotions and concert preparations, but Shige had assumed that the conflict would actually _involve_ him. If it had, he could have given in easily to keep the peace, then brought it up later when tensions weren’t as high and talked it out. He had a whole contingency plan built around the very high probability that he would be the one to cause a rift in their group.

Massu and Tegoshi, however, are both stubborn. Shige doesn’t even know what they’re fighting about, only that it’s something important enough to affect their relationship. TegoMasu had a comeback this year, giving the pair of them even more work and shorter fuses, so for all Shige knows Tegoshi could have looked at Massu wrong and they both blew up over it.

True to their word, Koyama and Shige stay out of it, but that doesn’t mean they’re happy about it. Each day that passes with Massu and Tegoshi still ignoring each other adds another crack to Koyama’s heart, and Shige feels it too. They’re all still amiable for NEWS activities, smiling for the cameras and getting along in front of staff and management, but Massu and Tegoshi want nothing to do with each other when their work is done.

“We have to do _something_ ,” Shige insists as he cuddles Koyama for the third night in a row. “How about I talk to Massu and you talk to Tegoshi? We’re not taking sides by checking on them. Then we report back and see how we can fix it.”

“I’m too upset to talk calmly,” Koyama says. “Tegoshi won’t see me anyway. He said he doesn’t want to worry me, but he’s worrying me either way.”

“I’ll reach out to Massu then,” Shige decides. “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Don’t speak for me, Shige,” Koyama warns. “I refuse to treat anyone else the way my exes treated me.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Shige reaches for his phone and scrolls to Massu’s number. “Be quiet.”

Massu answers on the second ring. “Shige? It’s two in the morning. Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Shige says. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how late it was. Did I wake you?”

“No, I was up. I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

“Want to hang out tomorrow?” Shige asks hopefully. “We don’t have to talk about…you know. I miss you.”

Massu pauses. “I miss you too. I have time tomorrow. Can you come by in the morning? I’ll make breakfast.”

“Sure.” Shige’s face breaks out in a real smile for the first time in days. “We can take a nap if you don’t get enough sleep.”

“That sounds nice,” Massu says. “Hey, is Koyama okay?”

“No,” Shige answers. He doesn’t want to say anymore with Koyama lying there next to him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” is all Shige can say, and he ends the call with a swipe.

“That sounded promising.” Koyama sniffles. “I wish I could go with you.”

“I’ll hug him for you,” Shige promises, and Koyama nods. “I’ll make it better for both of you.”

Koyama believes him about as much as Shige believes himself, but it felt good to take _some_ control of the situation. Even if he doesn’t get anything out of Massu, at least they’re not completely cut off from him anymore.

Massu’s smile is solemn when Shige arrives later in the morning, exhausted from Koyama’s tossing and turning all night. Koyama usually sleeps like an eggbeater, but when he’s upset he’s actually awake for it. Shige gave up when the sun began to rise and went to pass out on his couch for a couple hours, which naturally made Koyama feel even worse.

“I’m okay with skipping breakfast if you want to go straight to the nap,” Shige greets Massu honestly, and Massu laughs.

“I’ve already started cooking,” he says apologetically. “It won’t take very long.”

Shige peeks in the kitchen and deduces that Massu’s making omurice. He’s already fried up the rice, now working on the omelettes, and Shige finds himself slumping in the doorway while Massu finishes up.

“Rough night?” Massu asks, and Shige stares at him like that’s the dumbest question ever. “I know why I can’t sleep, but why can’t you?”

“The same reason as you,” Shige answers. “Half of Koyama’s heart is broken.”

Massu frowns and the world suddenly gets darker. “I never meant to hurt him.”

“We don’t have to talk about it—” Shige starts, but Massu cuts him off.

“I can’t tell you anyway. It’s not my business to share.”

Shige blinks at that. Massu’s so mad at Tegoshi that he won’t be in the same room with him if he’s not getting paid for it, but he’s respecting confidentiality? “Okay,” is all Shige says.

Maybe he should have called Tegoshi. He can still do that after his breakfast date (and nap) with Massu. As it is, Massu’s not too keen on talking about anything as he dishes up the food and they eat, Shige smiling at the heart Massu had drawn on his omurice.

“I love you, you know,” he says after a while of silence, and Massu chews thoughtfully. “I don’t say it a lot, because it still feels like a lie, but I really do.”

Massu swallows and looks at him. “I love you too, Shige. And Koyama. And...”

He trails off, and Shige lets it be. He’s even more confused now that Massu clearly still has feelings for Tegoshi, but he doesn’t want to push it. With as much information that Massu is volunteering, Shige may get the truth out of him simply by sticking around.

They only have a couple hours before they have to be coherent for meetings, but Shige’s more focused on being close to Massu than actually sleeping. They curl up in Massu’s bed and Massu melts right into Shige’s arms, burying his face into Shige’s shoulder and breathing deeply. It’s the closest Shige’s seen Massu come to actually crying and he’s _terrified_ , because if Massu’s this upset then something might really be going on with Tegoshi that would concern _all_ of them.

“Is he sick again?” Shige asks despite himself, and Massu shakes his head. “You would tell me if it was bad, right?”

“He’s okay, I promise.” Massu sighs like the weight of the world is on his shoulders, and Shige tightens his grip. It’s not often that Shige’s the one comforting Massu, and it feels nice despite the situation. “It’s nothing like that.”

“I believe you,” Shige tells him, stretching onto his back to pull Massu against his chest. “Sleep, Taka. Focus on my heartbeat and try to clear your mind. That’s all we can do right now.”

“And you think you’re not romantic,” Massu mutters, and Shige grins. “Thanks for being here, Shige.”

“Of course.” Shige rubs Massu’s back until his breathing evens, and only then does he allow himself to doze too.

Later, when the four of them are gathered for work, Shige pays close attention to Tegoshi. He looks healthy enough, but history has proven Tegoshi’s acting skills to cover up something serious more than once. If Shige hadn’t consoled both of the other members of their group in the past twenty-four hours, he wouldn’t think anything was wrong at all, all four of them professionally showing a pleasant face from the moment they stepped through the doors.

Shige finds an opportunity to approach Tegoshi in the bathroom, where the younger idol is primping in the mirror like they’re going to be on TV today. They’re not.

“I’m not mad at you,” Shige says quietly, and Tegoshi pauses briefly in his hair floofing. “I don’t want to take sides, but I really miss you, and I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” Tegoshi replies, flashing a big idol smile that Shige sees right through. “Massu crossed a line. If he doesn’t apologize soon, we might have to reevaluate our relationship. I don’t want to be part of something where I’m not trusted.”

Shige frowns. “Will you tell me what it was about?”

“It’s not even about what started it anymore.” Tegoshi narrows his eyes and it’s not cute at all. “It’s what he said. How he completely disregarded any progress I’ve made in the past ten years and resorted me back to a child who can’t take care of himself. I’m _not_ sick anymore, Shige. I haven’t been for a long time now. And I certainly don’t need someone who supposedly loves me accusing me of relapsing just because he found something in my bag.”

Shige inhales sharply as he realizes exactly what this is about. “Appetite suppressants?”

“I have an image to maintain,” Tegoshi huffs. “I’m not being unhealthy about it. I’m seeing a nutritionist and eating even when I’m not hungry, because I know I need to. I don’t appreciate being psychoanalyzed and having my mental health questioned because I have some pills. I don’t even take them!”

Shige doesn’t know what to say to all of that, so he just flings his arms around Tegoshi’s and consoles the third person in his relationship. Surprisingly, Tegoshi doesn’t push him away, only grabs onto his arm with both hands and stares up at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling. Shige knows that he’s trying not to cry.

“I believe you,” Shige says for the second time today, and Tegoshi mumbles his thanks. “And I love you.”

Tegoshi’s laugh seems to break the serious nature of their hug. “It feels weird when you say that to only me.”

“Yeah,” Shige agrees. “I was there ten years ago too, you know. We all were, even Yamashita and Ryo.”

“Ryo was the one who _gave_ them to me—”

“And he was the one to take them away when you started abusing them,” Shige says firmly, tightening his grip when Tegoshi starts to pull away. “I’m not blaming you, Tego. Just stating facts. Massu was out of line to jump to conclusions like that, but can you see why he did?”

Shige doesn’t think he needs to go into detail. Massu was the one to drag Tegoshi to doctors, force-feeding him when he refused to eat, and most importantly assuring Tegoshi that he was beautiful even when his cheeks were sunken and they could count all of his ribs. Shige was too young and naïve to really know what was happening back then, and Koyama couldn’t look at Tegoshi without crying. Yamashita had a lot going on (like always), and Ryo blamed himself.

Massu had practically moved in with Tegoshi and taken full responsibility for his recovery, without being asked, so Shige didn’t blame him one bit for flying off the handle when it looked like things could head in that direction again. At the same time, he would be upset if Massu had thrown a bunch of accusations at him without listening in return, so he can relate with Tegoshi’s feelings too.

“I still want him to apologize,” Tegoshi sputters, and Shige almost rolls his eyes at how stubborn this one is. “He said some really nasty things to me! I don’t want to hear that from someone I love. I deserve to be trusted and taken seriously.”

“I agree,” Shige says, and Tegoshi relaxes in his hold. “We have to get back to work, but will you meet with us later? The four of us, Koyama too. I won’t let them be mean to you, but we _need_ to talk this out or everything we’ve built together is going to fall apart. Can you see that?”

“Yeah.” Tegoshi shrugs out of Shige’s arms and Shige lets him, putting a little more distance between them as Tegoshi washes his face and tries to look less upset. “I’ll meet with you, but if it becomes an intervention, I’m out.”

“Got it,” and Shige shoots off a message to Massu and Koyama to make time to talk tonight. Massu resists, but Shige promises him it will be okay and he finally says he’ll come by after dinner.

Koyama’s already at Shige’s place when the other two show up, comically enough arriving at the same time and awkwardly walking to Shige’s door without speaking. Koyama immediately takes Tegoshi into his arms, having gone the longest without touching him, and Shige gently urges Massu onto the couch next to him.

He doesn’t have a game plan, but the other three look to him to start this unofficial meeting. “Tegoshi had appetite suppressants in his bag and Massu got really angry about it.”

Tegoshi’s on the edge of his seat, ready to bolt right out the door, but Shige stares hard at him and Koyama’s practically sitting in his lap to keep him right where he is.

“He says he hasn’t been taking them and I believe him,” Shige goes on, giving Massu’s hand a tight squeeze. “Massu has a lot of passion on this topic because of what happened before and said some hurtful things to Tegoshi.”

“He said hurtful things too,” Massu speaks up, and Shige nods. “He accused me of only having pitying feelings for him—”

“You accused me of _starving myself_ —” Tegoshi cuts in.

“Do you blame me?!” Massu roars, and now Shige’s the one whose hand is crushed. “I haven’t forgotten, you know. I still have nightmares about how you used to look. Every day I look at your face and I’m so _grateful_ we caught it in time and you got better.”

“Okay,” Shige tries to mediate, but Koyama shakes his head.

“Let them yell it out,” Koyama says, gently patting Tegoshi’s arm. “Go on, Tego. Say what’s in your heart.”

“I don’t need to be reminded of how much trouble I caused you back then,” Tegoshi spits out, seething with more anger than Shige’s seem from this one in a long time. “You bring it up like I’m doing it deliberately to upset you and that’s not true. I’m sorry that you have lingering trauma from me being sick, but you do _not_ get to take it out on me and blame me for something I didn’t even do!”

“Why do you have them then?!” Massu demands. His whole body is shaking, and Shige might have to take a leaf out of Koyama’s book and physically sit on him to calm him down. “You don’t need them. If you want to lose weight, diet and exercise the right way.”

“I don’t even fucking care about that,” Tegoshi says, using uncharacteristically rough language that has Koyama’s eyebrows rising. “You could have asked me about them respectfully. I would have told you the truth, which is that I’ve felt a little out of control of my appetite lately and thought the pills would help me stop overeating. Instead, you attacked me and my mental health and I’m so fucking mad at you I can’t see straight.”

“I’m mad at you too,” Massu replies, but his voice is softer now. “I can’t…I can’t go through that again, Tego. I thought I was gonna lose you. Seeing those pills again after flushing them down the toilet ten years ago sent me into a blind rage. Why can’t you understand that it’s only because I care about you?”

“It’s not about you,” Tegoshi tells him, and Shige silently agrees. “It’s about me and my body, not you and your feelings. I’m _not_ starving myself, I’m not even _taking_ the fucking pills, and I’m not going to continue this relationship if you don’t trust me and especially if you can’t speak to me like a human being with their own agency when you don’t like something I do.”

Massu inhales sharply, and Shige braces himself for the inevitable breakup. Massu won’t agree to this; Massu’s too wrapped up in his concern and can’t stop seeing Tegoshi as unstable. Shige looks over at Koyama and wonders if they’ll continue seeing each other without the other two, if it’s even worth staying together when Koyama’s entire happiness depends on the four of them as a group.

“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you,” Massu finally says, and Shige turns to look at him in surprise. “Maybe…maybe I need to go talk to someone about it. I don’t like remembering those things and it upsets me to relive it so often. It’s not your fault, and I believe you that you’re better now, and…I’m sorry, Tego. I said a lot of mean things.”

“You did,” Tegoshi says, but he’s visibly calming down. “I did too. I’m sorry for that. I know that you’re only worried and it embarrasses me to know that you can’t stop seeing me as a sick kid who made a stupid choice.”

“I don’t see you that way at all,” Massu tells him. “I see you as a healthy adult who can relapse from a serious disease. It can happen to anyone after any length of time.”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Tegoshi insists. “I promise.”

“I believe you,” Massu says again.

They sit in silence for a moment, and Shige finds amusement in Koyama visibly holding back whatever he wants to say until he finally blurts it out: “Can we all sit on the couch together?”

“Yeah,” Shige answers, scooting closer to Massu while Koyama practically flies across the room with Tegoshi in tow. “Time to kiss and make up?”

He’s kidding, but Tegoshi plops right into Massu’s lap and flings his arms around him. Shige lets go of Massu’s hand so that Massu can return the embrace, the pair of them releasing the last of their frustration (and stubbornness) physically. On Massu’s other side, Koyama’s eyes are watering, but his smile is bright enough to twist Shige’s heart.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you,” Tegoshi’s whispering, and Massu repeats it back with his face pressed into Tegoshi’s shoulder.

A few breaths later, Massu pulls back enough to speak properly, resting his head on Tegoshi’s shoulder facing Shige. “I’m sorry to Kei and Shige too. This past week couldn’t have been very fun for you.”

“It’s okay,” Shige tells him, lifting a hand to stroke Massu’s cheek. “We were overdue for a fight anyway, although I figured it would be about me.”

“Silly Shige,” Tegoshi says, stretching his arm to include Shige too. “You’re our rock.”

“No…” Shige trails off, shaking his head.

“He’s right,” Koyama says, managing to reach Shige’s shoulder as he hugs the other two. “This whole time, I thought I was the one keeping us all together, but it’s you who is there for all of us like this. I was way too emotional to fix this on my own. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t taken charge.”

“It’s not like that,” Shige says sheepishly. “We all have things we’re passionate about, but our feelings are important too. It’s hard to separate the two if you’re too involved. This could have easily been Tegoshi and me fighting about something we both find important.”

“When that happens, I’ll definitely step in and sort you both out,” Massu says, and Tegoshi laughs.

“Don’t say ‘when’ like it’s a guarantee!” Tegoshi exclaims, and Shige retaliates by grabbing Tegoshi’s face and pulling him into a kiss. It feels like so long since he’s tasted Tegoshi’s lips that what starts as a fun gesture turns into an emotional reunion, Tegoshi navigating over to Shige’s lap to kiss him properly and remind him why he makes so much effort for Tegoshi—for all of them.

When they part, Shige looks over to see Koyama and Massu snuggling, with Massu and Tegoshi holding hands. Shige feels so close to them right now, hating that it took a heart-wrenching fight to bring them together like this.

“My bed’s not big enough for all of us,” he says sadly, and Koyama’s the one to laugh this time.

“I’ll go home tonight,” Koyama says. “I miss my kitty. I’ll sleep soundly knowing that Massu and Tegoshi love each other again.”

“Never stopped,” Massu mutters, and Tegoshi grins at him. “My bed can probably fit three.”

“I think you two have some catching up to do,” Shige says gently, but Massu and Tegoshi don’t seem keen on arguing. “And I miss having my bed to myself.”

“Did Kei-chan stay over every night while we were fighting?” Tegoshi asks in surprise.

“ _Every night_ ,” Shige emphasizes, and Tegoshi gives him a sympathetic look while Koyama rolls his eyes.

“Okay, okay.” Koyama says amidst their laughter. “We have a lot of work coming up. Let’s make an extra effort to support each other as partners as well as group members, okay?”

“Yes, Leader,” Shige teases, and Massu and Tegoshi echo him.

“Come to my place instead,” Tegoshi says to Massu as they tear themselves away from each other to head out. “You can flush them down the toilet again.”

“Gladly,” Massu agrees, and they’re gone. Koyama lingers for bit, gathering his belongings that have managed to become strewn around Shige’s apartment in the few days he’d practically lived there, and after a crushing parting hug and a soulful kiss, Shige’s finally alone again.

He stretches across his bed, which still smells like Koyama, his heart filled with Massu and Tegoshi’s reconciliation and the large part he’d played in it. Being in a relationship with three people is no easy feat, but Shige feels proud of himself for stepping up to help solve their first major conflict. He hopes it won’t happen again, but arguments are inevitable especially with four strong personalities involved. Shige’s confident that he’ll be able to handle it next time and every time after.

It’s worth it to see them all smile and love each other again.

*

If being NEWS’ Kato Shigeaki is the most natural thing in the world, having a relationship with the other three members is the second. They settle into their busy schedules and cherish the time they spend together, whether at work or alone, keeping up with the group chat and playing up their fanservice like they have for years. The instant NEWS’ concerts are done, TegoMasu starts putting together theirs and Shige decides to write another book.

One could say that he’s inspired.

It’s nice to think about his partners without worrying whether he’s doing enough. Whatever he’s doing is what he should be doing. They make it a point to get together as four once a month, even if that means travelling to wherever TegoMasu are on tour, and they pair off whenever they can, whenever they feel like it.

Koyama was right. Nothing has really changed.

Shige doesn’t even worry about sex anymore. He and Tegoshi do it more often than they don’t, including Koyama more than once (and not just on the phone), and there was one night where the wind blew the right way and Massu joined him in the shower. All of that pales in comparison to seeing them do what they love every day, knowing that he’s a big part of it and that they always come back to him.

After having their Ultimate Member Love for almost a year, Shige no longer thinks that Koyama was the only one who didn’t have any luck dating other people because his heart was already full. Shige’s parents ask him if he’s seeing anyone and he tells them that NEWS’ love is enough to sustain him. It’s not exactly a coming out story, but Koyama sobs when he hears about it anyway.

They have dinner with Tegoshi’s mom, as requested, and it’s as awkward as expected. Koyama’s sister isn’t much better, fussing over all four of them when they attend one of her infamous summer barbeques. They even grab a drink with Ryo after a music show where NEWS and Eito both performed, and Shige’s drunk enough to tear up when Ryo tells the other three to take care of Shige for him.

Tegoshi never does get a California King-sized bed, but he gets the brilliant idea to spread four futons on the floor so that they all have plenty of space to sleep together. Koyama stocks up on blankets and there are usually some movies or Netflix binges involved. Strangely enough, sex isn’t at the forefront of anyone’s mind when they’re together like this. They kiss and cuddle and sleep in a pile of bodies, and that’s enough. If Shige wants sex, he can go to Tegoshi (and Koyama by proxy) any other time. Ultimate Member Love sleepovers are strictly for the four of them and however they exist together.

It’s Massu who brings it up, casually like he’s just pitching ideas for dinner. “We can have sex for our anniversary.”

Shige stares at him, wondering if he’s been possessed, and Koyama looks similarly.

“Works for me,” Tegoshi agrees easily, seeming unbothered that it was Massu who said it.

“Is that okay with you?” Koyama asks Massu. They’re backstage waiting to perform, but nobody’s around to overhear them.

Massu shrugs. “Yeah. It’s been a year, so I think we’re _there_ , right?”

“We’re definitely there,” Koyama says. “If you change your mind, we can do something else.”

“It’s okay if I’m just close by, isn’t it?” Massu asks as he adjusts the elaborate bowtie on his costume. “I can still be involved without doing anything. I’ve been thinking about that a lot.”

“Yes, absolutely.” Koyama still looks amazed that this is something Massu actively wants to do with them. “We can work out the details later.”

Shige relies on muscle memory to get through the performance and only messes up once. He’s so distracted that he almost drives past his building, earning a couple horn honks when he turns at the last second. Massu wants to have _sex_ with them. Well, be there while he has sex with Koyama and Tegoshi. He didn’t think anything else could shock him in this relationship, and then this happened.

He stares at his phone, not knowing who to call first. He finally decides on Tegoshi. “What did you _do_ to him on your TegoMasu tour?!”

Tegoshi laughs. His voice echoes and Shige hears water splashing; he must be in the bath. “Just gave him some ideas. He feels left out, you know. I think the night you and Kei-chan came to visit us in Fukuoka was the final straw.”

“He said he was leaving us to it!” Shige exclaims, the pangs of anxiety he hasn’t felt in _months_ coming back full force. “He said he was tired and didn’t mind at all!”

“That’s what I said,” Tegoshi replies. “He admitted it was passive-aggressive to just leave and not say anything, but he didn’t want us to go without on account of him. That’s when I told him he doesn’t actually have to have sex with us. He can even keep all of his clothes on.”

“I always thought you’d be the jealous one,” Shige says in awe.

“I know, right?” Tegoshi laughs. “I’m not jealous at all. I get plenty of love from all three of you. Massu doesn’t feel like he does though. I don’t want to speak for him, but he’s not that good at speaking for himself. He’s already called me tonight, worrying that he said too much and now we’ll always want to fuck in front of him. Like that’s all we do together!”

“I’ll talk to him,” Shige decides, and Tegoshi makes a noncommittal noise. “I honestly don’t care if we have sex or not. It’s just something to do.”

“You have to admit, we’ve gotten really good at it,” Tegoshi tells him, and Shige can’t argue. “Kei-chan and I haven’t done it without you for a long time, did you know? Seems like we needed you to complete us, or something.”

“And Massu?” Shige prompts.

“Massu…” Tegoshi hums in thought. “I can’t say for sure how he’ll fit into it. I love the idea of him there, kissing and touching us while we have sex, and he’s open to trying it out. I just don’t know what will happen if he decides he doesn’t like it and we’ve already had a taste of being an actual foursome.”

The wording makes Shige frown. “We’re still an actual foursome even if he doesn’t have sex with us.”

“I know, I know.” Tegoshi sighs like this is _his_ problem. “We tried to do it again while we were on tour, and it was okay. Better than the last time, but I could tell he wasn’t that into it. I could have been anyone he was fucking, and I didn’t like that at all.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“Yes. He felt bad, but we both know that’s how it is. Sex just isn’t our thing. Like you said, there is so much more to our relationship than that.”

“I’m going to call him,” Shige says firmly. “I’ll see you soon, Tego.”

Tegoshi hangs up without another word and Shige instantly presses on the contact for Massu.

“Hey,” Massu answers. “It’s late. Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Shige says. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Massu replies, and Shige can feel his smile over the phone. “Did you just call to tell me that?”

“No. I want you to know that you don’t have to be part of our sex activities just to be close to us.” Shige stalls by clearing his throat, hoping his words are coming out the way he wants them to. “I don’t need that from you, or anyone else really, and the last thing I want is for you to force yourself to do it to be intimate with us.”

“Okay,” Massu says slowly. “Have you been talking to Tegoshi?”

“Yes,” Shige admits. “I’m sorry. He told me about Fukuoka and I feel _awful_.”

“That was my fault,” Massu tells him. “I was upset about something else, and I took it out on you all. Well, I fooled myself into thinking that you would rather have sex with each other than spend the night not having sex with me.”

“That is not true at all!” Shige interjects.

“I know that now.” Massu pauses. “Tegoshi and I…we got lonely. It was our first time being alone together for so long after the four of us started dating, and I think we were both feeling the drought of not having you and Koyama around. When you finally came to see us, we were both desperate for attention in different ways. Tegoshi told me later that he would have been satisfied just being with us without sex, but at the time it felt like I would be taking something important away from him if I stayed.”

“That makes sense,” Shige says, listening as intently as he can. “So, you think that being there with us while we do it is a way to compromise?”

“I want to at least try. You said before that you missed me when you were like that with them, so I thought that maybe I could be a part of it somehow. Three of you means there’s already enough hands on deck, so to speak. I can be there to hold you or kiss you or hold your hand while they go inside you—or the other way. I don’t actually know how you all do it.”

“We switch a lot,” Shige supplies.

“Okay, then, whoever goes inside whom,” Massu says. “I can probably do it, you know? I just don’t want you to be disappointed if I don’t, or if I don’t want to do it _again_ after the first time.”

“I don’t think you could ever disappoint me,” Shige tells him honestly. “I don’t want to speak for the others, but I think we’re all very aware of how you feel about these things. I would rather have you there with all of our clothes on than have you not there with all of them off. There is no shortage of sex in my life, trust me.”

“I don’t doubt that for one minute.” Massu laughs. “I get what you’re saying, but I still want to try it. I think we both might be overthinking it, and once it happens it’ll be much easier.”

“You’re probably right. I really just wanted to talk about Fukuoka and make sure you know how much I love you as you are.”

Massu makes a soft noise. “Noted.”

They end the call and Shige feels like he should call Koyama to complete the trifecta. He doesn’t have it in him to talk anymore tonight though, so he sends a bunch of heart stickers into the group chat and goes to bed. Tomorrow’s another day, and their anniversary isn’t for a couple weeks, so there’s plenty of time to iron out the details.

 _And you think you’re not romantic_ , Tegoshi’s message flashes in the morning, and Shige thinks they’re all just used to his special love by now.

*

“Should we light candles? I’ll light some candles.”

Shige urges Koyama away from his emergency blackout stash before they set the whole building on fire. “I think we’re good without candles, Kei.”

“Candles are calming!” Koyama practically screams, and Shige kisses him for the third time in the past hour.

“You’d think it’s _your_ first time with as much as you’re freaking out,” Shige says gently, and Koyama pouts against his lips. “It’s going to be _fine_ , Kei. We’re going to have a good time and celebrate our anniversary however it pans out.”

Koyama plops right down on his butt, sitting lotus style on the pile of futons they’ve already set out on Shige’s floor. “I’m nervous, okay? And it _is_ my first time with Massu. What if I scare him away?”

“If anyone’s scaring him away, it’s Tegoshi,” Shige tells him, “and he’s already been there and done that.”

Koyama frowns. “Maybe we shouldn’t do it.”

“He’s the one who wants to!” Shige exclaims, laughing at the incredulity of the situation. “This was his idea. Just let him call the shots and don’t worry, okay?”

“I worry, Shige. That’s what I _do_.” Koyama glares up at Shige through his bangs, and it’s honestly adorable. “Stop making fun of me.”

“I love you,” Shige says, kneeling next to Koyama and rubbing his back. Koyama leans into his touch, and Shige nudges Koyama’s face with his. “Remember when you drugged me and got me to agree to a polyamorous relationship?”

Koyama’s face cracks into a smile. “One year ago!”

“Kiss me,” Shige demands, and Koyama does. Koyama must have a lot of misplaced energy from all his worrying because Shige’s literally knocked over from the unbridled passion, stretching out on his back with Koyama in his arms.

Naturally, this is how Massu and Tegoshi find them as they let themselves into Shige’s apartment.

“So much for eating first,” Tegoshi says, dive-bombing right on top of them. Shige manages to turn his head before Koyama’s smashes into it, the wind knocked out of him from much more than a kiss.

“Speak for yourself,” Massu calls over from where he’s setting out boxes of take out on the small table that had been moved out of the way. “ _I’m_ eating first.”

Koyama rolls out of the way to hug Massu, but Tegoshi stays right where he is. Shige resigns himself to another heated make out session because Tegoshi gets what Koyama gets. He must have been pretty worked up himself, because he clings to Tegoshi’s back and resists the urge to stop. He doesn’t have to stop. Koyama and Massu are a part of this too. Massu’s already eating, flipping through Shige’s cable to find something suitable for them all to watch together, but Shige didn’t expect him to join right away. They’ve got all night.

“We’ve got all night,” Tegoshi echoes Shige’s thoughts as he abruptly breaks all contact at once. “Why rush?”

“You’re the one who accosted me!” Shige exclaims, and Massu snorts into his dinner.

Shige’s old enough that he can calm down right away, shooting Tegoshi little glares with no malice behind them as the four of them eat and get comfortable on the futons. Koyama’s lying back against the couch, Tegoshi and Shige on either side of him and Massu camped out between his legs, leaning back against his chest. Koyama looks positively elated to be snuggling with all of them like this, and Shige knows right then that he’d be content with only this, that Massu could back out and he’d be fine with it—they all would.

Shige curls up to Koyama’s side and slings an arm around Massu, who instantly reaches up and lightly rubs the surface with his fingers. It’s probably a mindless action to him, but Shige finds himself quickly back where he’d been with Tegoshi and wonders if he should say something, at least tell Massu the effects of what he’s doing, but he can’t find the words. Despite how much they’ve talked about this, there hasn’t been much of a game plan other than to wait and see what happens. That’s all fine and good, but Shige’s arousal rises with each trail of Massu’s fingers on his arm and he’s squirming at the thought of having them _all_.

He kisses Koyama’s neck first, because it’s right there in front of him, and Koyama reacts immediately. The soft noise gets Tegoshi’s attention, and Shige suddenly has an ally. Tegoshi presses his lips to the other side of Koyama’s neck, reaching out to touch whatever he can, and Shige feels fingers brush past his arm on their way to hold onto Massu’s shoulder.

“Oh, are we doing this now?” Massu asks obliviously, and Shige laughs into Koyama’s skin. The next thing he knows, Massu has flipped over and invited himself into Koyama’s mouth, the four of them sliding down onto the futons and stretching out alongside each other.

Shige has watched Koyama and Tegoshi kiss (many, many times), but not Koyama and Massu. Massu looks like his full focus is on taking Koyama’s breath away, and Koyama’s melting beneath him. His arms are still wrapped around Tegoshi and Shige, but that just means they _all_ get pulled in closer, with Shige halfway on top of Koyama while the other half presses against Massu. Tegoshi’s hand finds his on Massu’s back, and it’s perfect.

“Can I undress you?” Tegoshi asks Massu, and Massu nods without fully leaving Koyama’s mouth. Tegoshi lights up like Massu’s a present he’s been allowed to open, and Shige helps him unbutton Massu’s shirt and unfasten his belt before starting in on his own clothes. Massu’s skin is hot to the touch and Shige’s mesmerized by it, tracing the muscles and creases while Tegoshi expertly strips both himself and Koyama.

Tegoshi sucks Koyama’s cock past his lips before it’s even all the way out of his pants and Koyama moans into Massu’s mouth, his nails digging into Shige’s back as the pressure increases. Massu leans back and looks lost, his head tilted as he watches Koyama writhe beneath him from Tegoshi’s ministrations. Shige leans over to press a kiss to his shoulder, smiling when Massu gravitates toward him.

“What do you want to do?” Shige asks, the depth of his voice surprising even himself, and Massu shudders beneath his touch. “Whatever you want is fine with us.”

Massu looks down to where his erection is tenting his open pants and then back at Koyama. “I’d like to be inside Koyama, if it’s okay.”

“I think he would love that,” Shige tells him, trying not to sound too surprised that Massu wants to be that involved. He leans down to grab the lube from where it had been strategically placed close by and brushes his lips against Koyama’s ear on his way back. “Massu wants to fuck you.”

“Yes, _yes_ ,” Koyama hisses, threading his fingers in Tegoshi’s hair as he blinks his eyes open to regard Massu with such fondness that Shige’s heart feels even bigger than it already did. Kneeling beside them, Shige coats his fingers with lube and slips them between Koyama’s legs, gently stretching him as Tegoshi pulls off and focuses on Massu, guiding him out of the rest of his clothes and rolling a condom on his length.

Koyama lifts his knees to his chest when Massu settles on top of him, and Massu leans down to press a kiss to his lips before easing himself inside. Shige couldn’t leave them alone even if they wanted him to, tasting the sweat that forms on Massu’s collarbone and whispering in Koyama’s ear how hot they look. Tegoshi guides Shige up to kiss him over Massu’s back, and Shige moans into Tegoshi’s mouth when Koyama reaches for Shige’s cock and guides it up to his lips.

“You okay, Taka?” Shige manages to get out, and Massu grunts in what sounds like affirmation as he keeps thrusting like that’s all he’s been programmed to do. All at once Shige understands why Massu and Tegoshi aren’t compatible this way, but the four of them together gives them enough variety that Massu can move inside Koyama while the other two touch and kiss.

Tegoshi’s got Koyama in his hand, rapidly bringing him off, and Koyama arches beautifully when he comes, his noises muffled by Shige’s length. Massu pauses like he’s not sure whether he should pull out or not, but Tegoshi switches mouths and lures Massu away, leaving Koyama to focus all of his attention on Shige.

Some relocating and Tegoshi’s squeezing between Shige and Koyama, slick fingers trailing up the inside of Shige’s thigh. Shige’s head falls back from the force of his moan, landing on Massu’s shoulder as the latter presses up behind him, embracing him so strongly that the outside world disappears. Only Massu’s arms and Koyama’s mouth and Tegoshi’s fingers exist in Shige’s new reality.

“Can I have you, Shige?” Massu asks, and Shige nods so hard that he almost smacks Massu in the face. Tegoshi and Koyama move out of the way in time for Massu to bend Shige over, and it isn’t impersonal at all with Massu’s body draped over Shige’s back. It’s just as intimate as if they were face to face, Massu’s mouth at just the right level for Shige to hear deep groans in his ear with Massu hard inside him.

The wet head of a cock slides along Shige’s lips and it’s just like Tegoshi to do that without asking. Shige opens his mouth obediently, bracing himself with both hands on the floor while Tegoshi and Massu tug him between each other, easily finding a rhythm together. Of course they would. Now Koyama’s the one telling Shige how hot he looks, sliding a hand around Shige’s belly to wrap around his neglected cock and pump.

Tegoshi comes first, because he doesn’t bother trying to make it last and races for the finish as fast as he can. Shige supposes he should be grateful that Tegoshi didn’t finish on his face again, but he can’t think properly with Massu thrusting inside him and Koyama pulling him off. He chokes on his air as he jerks in orgasm, eliciting a gorgeous noise from Massu as the latter finds himself in the same conundrum as before.

“You have too much stamina,” Tegoshi tells him, still breathless as he curls up next to them.

“That’s the best piece of criticism I’ve ever gotten,” Massu replies, and Shige laughs from where he’s basically just died on his elbows with his ass still in the air. “Wait, Kei—do you know where that just was?”

That’s worth making the effort to move, Shige rolling over on his side in time to see Koyama taking Massu’s cock all the way down his throat, the condom tossed to the side. Massu’s face is a cross between disgusted and turned on, seemingly deciding to leave Koyama to his own problem as he sits back and drops a hand in Koyama’s fluffy hair.

Shige feels Tegoshi scoot up behind him and leans back into the embrace. “You’re still shaking,” Tegoshi whispers.

He is. That was probably the most intense orgasm of his life, undoubtedly made better by having all three of them give it to him. He can’t actually speak the words, but Tegoshi doesn’t seem to need an answer, lazily drifting his fingers up and down Shige’s arm and nuzzling his face into the back of Shige’s neck.

Massu could probably go for another couple hours, but Koyama’s bobbing on his cock like his sole purpose in life is to make Massu come. Shige thinks he should go help, but Tegoshi’s got him in an arm lock and he’s not too sure he has the energy to move anyway. All he can do is toss his arm out to touch Koyama’s, feeling the muscles constrict with the effort he’s using to give what looks like amazing head.

Then Massu blindly reaches for them and Tegoshi’s the one who moves, indirectly bringing Shige with him as they sidle up next to Massu and hold him as he starts to tremble. Tegoshi wraps all of his limbs around Massu from behind and sucks on his neck while Massu leans his head against Shige’s, hot breath followed by a sharp moan that has Shige shuddering with him. Massu clings to Shige as he comes and Shige feels it too, his own shaky hand reaching down to rub Koyama’s jaw as the eldest pulls off and swallows proudly.

They remain like that for a moment, Shige and Massu catching their breaths while Koyama stretches his jaw. Tegoshi just sighs happily, extending his embrace to include Shige and leaning over Massu’s shoulder to kiss Koyama. They’re right in front of Shige’s face and Shige presses his lips to whatever skin he can reach, gasping when Koyama licks his way into his mouth and he tastes Massu on his tongue along with what’s left of Tegoshi.

“I’m taking a shower,” Massu announces, and Tegoshi whines as Massu detaches himself from them and stumbles down the hall. Tegoshi waits approximately fifteen seconds before following, and Shige isn’t surprised to hear not one protest as his shower starts running.

“Is it weird that I still yearn for him?” Koyama asks, his grin a permanent fixture on his face like they’d spent the past hour getting high instead of having sex. “He was literally just inside me, but I want _more_. He was so close, yet so far away.”

“That’s how it is for him,” Shige says with a shrug. “He’s distant like this.”

“You two definitely seemed into it.” Koyama waggles his eyebrows and Shige laughs at him doing that while completely naked and worn out. “Him clinging to you from behind, pushing into you that way—I think I enjoyed watching that more than I actually did getting fucked.”

“Now you know,” Shige tells him, then makes a face at the mess surrounding them. “I’m pretty sure I came on that blanket.”

“That’s why we have spares!” Koyama declares, though neither of them are quick to do anything other than cuddle and kiss, lightly touching each other’s skin through the lingering aftershocks.

Massu and Tegoshi reappear awhile later, Massu fully dressed while Tegoshi only has a towel wrapped around his head. Massu examines the state of the blankets before flopping on his belly next to Shige, moaning softly as Shige’s fingers sneak under his shirt to trail along his spine.

“So,” Shige says slowly. “What’d you think?”

Massu rests his chin on his hands and regards all three of them contemplatively. “It was interesting. I think I’ll try not being _as_ involved next time.”

“Massu surprised me!” Koyama exclaims with big eyes. “I _never_ thought you would do that with me. _To_ me.”

“I told you all I can do it,” Massu says pointedly. “I felt like doing it, so I did. It was good. Really good. Much better than just Tegoshi.”

Tegoshi snorts. “I would be offended by that, but we really are bad at it.”

“You’re just not compatible as sexual partners,” Shige speaks up. “I noticed it when I was watching Massu with Koyama. Tegoshi needs much more touching and affection and Massu’s kind of mechanical when he gets down to business. It’s simply not gonna work between the two of you.”

“But add Kei-chan and Shige, and everyone wins!” Koyama declares.

“I have no complaints,” Shige says to Massu, nudging Massu’s shoulder with his nose. “I don’t need that much attention during sex.”

“I’ll come to you the next time I feel like doing that then,” Massu tells him, and Shige looks forward to it.

“I’m really glad all of you are are still here,” Koyama says suddenly. “Not just here in Shige’s apartment, but here with me. I didn’t know what to expect when you all agreed to this relationship, but it certainly wasn’t celebrating it one year later. I’m so grateful that you decided to give this a chance and worked so hard to keep us together. Shige, Taka, Yuuya, I love you all so much, and I wish us another year of beautiful love.”

“Sounds like a goodbye speech at the end of a concert,” Shige teases, and Koyama flings himself across the sea of futons to elbow Shige in the gut. “ _Ow_.”

“Kei-chan’s heart is happy,” Tegoshi says, and Koyama nods. “I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend, but I probably won’t get any better at it, so you all should just lower your standards.”

Massu laughs out loud, and Shige finds a pillow to smack Tegoshi with.

“I didn’t know what to expect either,” Shige says honestly, and Koyama laces their fingers together. “I love you all, so I thought I’d give it a shot, and here we are. In a way, this is only our first year _romantically_ involved, right? Like Massu said in the very beginning, we’ve already been together for half of our lives.”

“I can’t imagine being with anyone else like this,” Massu adds. “Especially the sex.”

“Even Nakamaru?” Koyama teases.

“Actually, we’re not doing that anymore,” Massu says, cringing at the three gasps he gets in return. “He met someone he wants to be monogamous with, and I love him enough to let him go. We’re still best friends, but that’s all we are now.”

“That’s so sad,” Shige says, reaching for Massu with his other hand. Massu smiles and kisses his fingers. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”

“That’s what I was upset about in Fukuoka,” Massu tells them, and now Tegoshi’s giving him sympathetic eyes. “I wanted to say something, but I was so happy to be with you all that I didn’t want to dampen the mood. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Koyama says. “This just means we have you all to ourselves now!”

Massu blinks. “I still see him as much as I did before.”

“Your heart, I mean,” Koyama amends. “Maybe…the four of us can be exclusive now?”

“I’m okay with that,” Tegoshi says.

“Same,” Shige agrees.

Massu grins. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

Shige reaches Koyama’s mouth first, but he’s quickly replaced by Tegoshi, then Massu. Massu kisses Shige while Koyama’s kissing Tegoshi, and Tegoshi finds Shige when Massu makes it to Koyama. It’s easy and natural and the concept of being with only one person seems foreign to Shige after so long of being with three.

“I think I have enough energy to take a shower now,” Shige says as he heaves himself up. He almost falls over, but Massu grabs onto his leg just in time. “Kei, join me?”

Koyama scrambles to his feet in record time. “Absolutely.”

Shige’s shower is barely big enough for one person, let alone two, but Koyama seems more intent on kissing and touching than actually cleaning. Shige’s so seduced by Koyama’s hands that he’s tempted to take him right here against the wall, but he’d rather not explain how they’d nearly broken their necks by trying to fuck in the shower. Ryo for one would never let him live it down.

Tegoshi’s still not dressed when they return to the main room, and Shige figures he’s going to stay that way for the rest of the night. Massu doesn’t seem bothered, but he does look relieved when both Koyama and Shige have put on some clothing. Shige supposes Massu operates under the fallacy that the more dressed someone is, the less likely sex will be. Clearly, he hasn’t spent enough time with Koyama.

Sure enough, Koyama and Tegoshi are barely in each other’s personal space before they’re kissing again, Koyama’s hand going straight for Tegoshi’s reborn erection.

“You can sit this one out if you want,” Shige tells Massu, who’s watching them thoughtfully. “I might.”

“I don’t know yet,” Massu says. “They’re so…fast.”

Shige laughs. Massu’s got a point. To an outsider, Koyama and Tegoshi try to touch everything at once, going right for the things that feel good without taking the time to build up to anything. Shige supposes it’s both of their personalities, Tegoshi who only wants to get off and Koyama who only wants to be close. Those two are definitely compatible in that way, and Shige finds himself more inclined to sit back and watch, maybe just cuddle with Massu while the other two release their sexual tension together.

Massu’s the one who breaks apart after a few moments, cautiously approaching Koyama and Tegoshi like they were feral. Tegoshi notices him first, grinning into Koyama’s neck as he stretches out his arm and laces his fingers with Massu’s. “Kei-chan, we have a visitor.”

Koyama looks up and lights up, pushing himself up on one arm to press a kiss to Massu’s lips before returning to Tegoshi. He’s two fingers deep inside Tegoshi and Tegoshi’s arching beneath him, rocking up against the touch until he eyes fly open and he gets a positively predatory look on his face.

“Kei-chan, get on your back.”

Koyama complies immediately, inhaling sharply when Tegoshi straddles his lap and pushes down his sweats. Koyama’s cock jumps right into Tegoshi’s hand, growing harder before all of their eyes as Koyama’s fingers find their way back inside Tegoshi.

“Massu, you can come closer, if you want,” Tegoshi says, and Massu tentatively kneels next to him. “I might need your help to move.”

Shige lifts an eyebrow at the bold request, but Massu seems up to the challenge and familiarizes himself with Tegoshi’s hips. This doesn’t seem to be a bad spot for Tegoshi today, though Tegoshi does halt him from going higher when his hands start to drift upward. That one and his boundaries.

It’s surreal to watch Tegoshi riding Koyama while Massu controls the rhythm. Shige hasn’t just sat back and watched before, always an active participant, but it’s strangely nice to appreciate the three of them together without focusing on his own pleasure. Massu’s kissing the back of Tegoshi’s neck and Tegoshi’s moaning as he bounces on Koyama’s cock, Koyama himself struggling to keep his eyes open to watch Massu and Tegoshi together as he fucks Tegoshi.

Koyama’s longing face is what finally drags Shige away from his comfortable pile of blankets, but it’s worth it to see the automatic smile when Shige curls up next to him. He presses his lips to Koyama’s sweaty skin and holds him as he gets close, enjoying how it feels to lie with him like this. He could go again but it’s not dire, much more interested in how Koyama’s falling apart in his arms. He’s so into it and Shige’s _not_ and it’s still an amazing experience, Massu and Tegoshi adding their similar statuses to make it even better.

Massu whispers something to Tegoshi and Tegoshi nods, then Massu’s fingers are around Tegoshi’s cock and both Tegoshi and Koyama’s noises get louder. Tegoshi’s trembling in Massu’s grip and it’s so different than the last time Shige was inside him, the distance making Tegoshi look almost ephemeral. Shige’s been with him so many times that he knows when Tegoshi’s going to come before he actually does, and Shige narrows his eyes when a tiny drop reaches his chin.

“Not my fault,” Tegoshi gets out through heaving breaths. “Massu was aiming.”

“I didn’t think it would go that far,” Massu says apologetically, looking amazed at what he just helped make happen.

Then, to everyone’s surprise, he leans down to lick the drop from Shige’s face, and _now_ Shige is interested.

“I’m sorry, Kei-chan, I can’t move anymore,” Tegoshi says, hissing as he climbs off of Koyama and leaves Koyama’s very hard cock sticking out from his trembling body.

“I got this,” Shige calls out, gently snapping off the condom and taking Koyama in hand. Koyama whimpers next to him, clawing at the blankets beneath them until Tegoshi and Massu seize his hands, and Shige takes great pride in making Koyama come all over Tegoshi’s knees.

Massu licks that up too, and Tegoshi’s so shocked that he doesn’t stop him until the last of it is gone.

“Okay, I’m done,” Koyama announces, his chest visibly rising and falling as he catches his breath. Tegoshi flops down against Koyama’s other side, and Massu disappears long enough to dampen a couple washrags. He tosses one to Shige with the unspoken agreement that he takes care of Tegoshi while Shige wipes down Koyama, because neither is up for another shower and they don’t want to feel gross all night.

“I didn’t think Massu would want to touch me there,” Tegoshi says as Massu gets all the stray lube, and Massu rolls his eyes before poking him in the side.

“It’s okay if I’m cleaning you.”

“Meanwhile, I’m getting the world’s best sponge bath,” Koyama teases, and Shige smacks him with the washrag before lowering it to Koyama’s legs. “Do you still need to come?”

“I’m good,” Shige tells him, leaning down for a kiss. “It was fun to watch for once. Also, I’m exhausted.”

“I could sleep,” Massu says.

Tegoshi yawns in agreement.

They’re spread all over the place, but with Massu and Shige’s help they relocate into some semblance of a sleeping space. Koyama and Shige are in the middle, Tegoshi on Koyama’s other side and Massu next to Shige. Shige settles into Massu’s strong embrace and accepts Koyama into his, Tegoshi’s hand drifting along his arm as the youngest snuggles up to Koyama. It’s the perfect amount of contact to leave Shige completely comfortable, and he falls asleep easily.

When he wakes, Massu’s already making breakfast and Koyama’s cleaning up. Tegoshi’s still dead to the world, but that just means Shige can cuddle with him because he doesn’t want to get up yet. He ends up pressing kisses to Tegoshi’s face and Tegoshi whines, pushing Shige away and pulling him closer at the same time, and Koyama finds it so adorable that he takes a picture on his phone that Shige already knows is going to end up in a concert MC. Hiding it out in the open and all.

Shige and Massu have meetings later, Shige for his new book and Massu for his new drama, but for now they’re content to exist together. It’s their anniversary after all. Who knows when they’ll get another chance to be like this, at least for an entire night. ‘Tis the life of an idol, or a group of idols who happen to be in a polyamorous relationship. If it was any easier, it’d be boring.

It’s worth it with every day they can spend together, working or not, and every connection that grows stronger. Shige still goes on dates with all three of them individually, but the others don’t really do the same with each other. Shige may not be very romantic, at least not in the traditional sense, but he’s the one with the most connections—one with each of them, and one with all of them at once. That’s enough for him to feel like he’s doing something right.

He managed to make a beautiful love after all.


End file.
